I Deserve, page 1
I Deserve
I Deserve
Alicia J Evans
Published by Wind Beneath My Wings Publishing, 2022.
Table of Contents
Title Page
I DESERVE | ALICIA J EVANS
DEDICATION
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Alexia
EVAN
ALEXIA
EVAN
ALEXIA
EVAN
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
EVAN
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
EVAN
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
EVAN
EVAN
EVAN
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
LAJUNE
LAJUNE
JAZMYNE
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
EVAN
Three Weeks Later... | ALEXIA
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
EVAN
LAJUNE
ALEXIA
EVAN
ALEXIA
ALEXIA
A Month Later | ALEXIA
EVAN
Book Club Discussion Questions
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About the Author
I DESERVE
ALICIA J EVANS
Copyright © 2022 Alicia Evans
Wind Beneath My Wings Publishing
Editing by Tamykah Anthony (Busy Bee Publications)
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 979-8-9852349-1-6
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my parents
Leroy & Jural Evans, and my siblings Reecie, Bunnie & Anthony.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I must first thank God, for blessing me with the desire to entertain and the passion for spinning a tale.
I must also thank my older brother Michael “Mike” Evans for inspiring my love for reading. This ignited my passion for writing.
Next, I want to thank my other half, Nathaniel Croskey. Your love, patience, and support in everything I do means the world to me.
To my baby brother Leroy “Doc” Evans, thank you for reading the very first draft and encouraging me to continue.
To my wonderful Sisters of Sugar & Spice Book Club: Tatia, Tawanna, Gail, Annye, Suzie, Cathy, Dannielle, Asha. Your love and encouragement on this journey could not be summed up in words. For you all to keep asking me “what’s up with the book?” or to tell me “I’m still waiting” has been the force I needed to complete this work, and I thank you.
Thank you Gayla E. Leath for editing the first draft and letting me know nicely I had work to do. I am grateful for your honesty.
I would be remiss if I did not give a huge Thank you to Tamykah Anthony. Thank You for all you have done to assist with getting my first book baby out into the world. Your editing and your words of encouragement throughout the whole process kept me motivated.
To all of you that showed me any support, I thank you.
And finally, to you, the readers, thank you. You could have picked up any book, but you chose I Deserve and for that I am eternally grateful.
Alrighty then enjoy the ride!!!!!
Ciao!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5
Alexia
“It’s going to be a good day...it’s going to be a good day,” I tell myself repeatedly, allowing it to become my mantra for the day. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer for strength as I reflect on what just happened. Yes, strength is exactly what I know I will need this Friday morning after being awakened by an early morning call from Jeffery, my divorce lawyer.
“Hello” I say, still somewhere in that liminal space between being asleep and awake.
“Good morning, Alexia, sorry to call so early but I received a message from David’s lawyer last night.”
Jeffery’s law firm handled my parents’ estate for years. When I was searching for a lawyer, he was the only one I considered for my divorce. His work hours are not your typical 9am to 5pm, but they are perfect for me. With owning a small law firm, he is usually in the office late at night and then back again early in the morning. He spends the remainder of his day in court or meeting with clients.
As I roll over and glance at the digital clock on the nightstand, the glowing block numbers read 5:00am. What Jeffery says is enough to fully wake me up on the wrong side of the bed.
In a split second, I’m thinking, “I can’t take any more of this. I really need this to be over. What more can David do to me?” Instinctively, I look above my bed at my favorite painting; it’s supposed to be an abstract piece, but all I see is a Black woman exuding unlimited strength and power that I sometimes find myself tapping into.
My heartbeat quickens. The headache that had once been a constant nag while I was dealing with David, is now starting to creep back.
“Jeffery what has happened now?” I ask as I try to get my bearings together in the darkness of the early morning. The vibrant teal walls of my bedroom are shrouded in blackness without the sunlight.
“David has decided not to fight you anymore on the divorce.” I heard Jeffery saying the words, but my grogginess and utter disbelief delayed my understanding of what I was hearing.
“What?!” I scream out as I kick the covers off and swing my feet to the floor, now sitting on the edge of the bed. I must have lost my bonnet getting up as I can now feel my honey-blonde locs tickling the middle of my back. With my free hand, I fumble in the dark to turn on the bedside lamp, hoping the extra light would help the words sink in.
“Jeffery, why now? After all this time?” I ask, now fully awake. “He has been fighting me since I first filed. I cannot believe he just decided to have a good heart.”
“Alexia, call my office after nine o’clock this morning and speak with Tracey. She will give you an appointment for this evening. We can talk then, and I can give you all the details,” Jeffery says reassuringly. “Alexia, this is good news. Whatever the reason, you should be happy. It will finally be over,” he adds before disconnecting the call.
I sit listening to the dead silence on the other end for what feels like an eternity before my brain could send the signal to my arm to put the phone down. On the surface, I am elated that I can now almost taste my freedom, but I cannot help feeling a little suspicious and confused. After 2 years of contesting the divorce, he is finally giving in. My thoughts are so occupied that only muscle memory can account for how I am able to shower and get ready for the day.
David and I started having issues when he realized that I could make it without him. He was under the misguided notion that without him, I would fail. I proved him wrong. I opened the doors to my dream, Chocolate, Books & More Café. Owning my own café had been a dream of mine since before David came into my life. And now it is my reality.
I will never forget when I came up with the idea for a café. It was a cold snowy New York night in December with temperatures in the low 20’s. I was at the bus stop on Hillside Avenue and 179th street in Queens, waiting on the bus that would take me home. The commute from LaGuardia Community College, where I was attending evening classes, was usually an hour. That night, however, it was much longer. It took an hour for the #7 train to even arrive. The F train was in the station when we needed to transfer, but it just creeped all the way to the last stop, 179th Street Hillside Avenue. With the wind blowing around me and snow falling at a quick steady pace, I remember feeling like I was literally freezing. Even with my puffy down coat, hat and gloves, I was not protected against the bitter cold. Glancing down Hillside Avenue in the direction of the bus, all I could see was darkness and the headlights of an occasional car passing by. There weren’t any establishments open that I could use for shelter. Even Burger King, which was a staple in the area, was closed. That is the moment it came to me: the idea to own a coffee shop/bookstore near a bus stop or bus terminal. A place where customers could warm their hands while sipping on a hot beverage paired with a sweet treat AND pick up a book or a magazine while they wait on their bus. Everyone that has ever lived in New York knows how unreliable the New York City Transit buses and trains can be. There is no good reason a person should be out in the cold or the smoldering heat while waiting on public transportation. That night I started putting together a business plan.
I met David my sophomore year at LaGuardia Community College. He was a Finance major and I was a Business major. He was walking eye candy and I developed a sweet tooth for him. At six feet three inches tall and a solid 220lbs, David walked with a confidence that commanded the attention of everyone around. I immediately thought we would be great together. We complimented each other well; physically, his sandy brown complexion to my mocha latte hue, his clean-cut fade to my honey blond shoulder length locs. Whenever we entered a room together, people would stop and stare. I may not have had an hourglass figure but my 5 foot 4 inches 195lbs frame was stacked just right.
When I first met him, I thought he was my very own prince charming. He did not miss a beat when it came to opening doors and pulling out chairs for me, he constantly reminded me of how beautiful I was and was extremely protective of me. He reminded me a little of my dad in that way and my parents had been married half a century, so I just knew that
I did not share my dream about the bookstore with him during the entire time we dated. Maybe in the back of my mind I knew he would not like it. Although David had some amazing qualities, I started to notice that whenever I started talking about my dreams and aspirations, David would ever so cleverly remind me of how grateful I should be for what we already had and reassure me that I would not need to ever do any extra because he would always take care of me. It was flattering at first, but, over time, I started to feel a bit stifled and shut down. We had been married about two years when I finally shared my business dream with him.
It was one evening after dinner, which included all his favorite dishes: barbequed chicken, sautéed collard greens with olive oil and garlic, shrimp scampi with creamy linguini, and to wash it all down, freshly brewed sweetened iced tea. After his second heaping plate, I figured it was a good time to show him my business plan and get his feedback. David held a degree in Finance and worked for one of the strongest financial institutes in New York, so I welcomed and trusted his assessment.
“Hun, I have been working on a little something and would like your feedback. It’s not quite finished, but it’s my business plan for a bookstore that I would like to open. Can you look at it and tell me what you think?” I asked. My voice was noticeably a little shaky from my nerves.
After skimming through the business plan in a little under five minutes, David responded, “This is nice, but you can’t be serious. Bookstores have a high failure rate and African American bookstores are going under every day. I hope you weren’t thinking that I would help you fund this little project. Have you done any research on this idea of yours Alexia, is there a high demand for a bookstore today?”
I sat there with my head bowed down and my spirit crushed as he continued to verbally slaughter my dream without mercy. “Didn’t we just read in the paper that another Barnes & Noble was closing? Alexia, have you not been paying attention to all the reports saying that Amazon is making it difficult for brick & mortar bookstores to survive?”
What David didn’t know was that I had done my research. I had also surveyed some local neighborhood people and they had a lot to say about Amazon. Real folks missed going into an actual brick & mortar building to touch and smell the book before purchasing. I don’t tell David any of this because I am still in disbelief at how he tried to deflate my vision. “Alexia, surely you could have come up with a better business idea than this.”
He threw my business plan down on the table and walked out of the room chuckling and shaking his head. I felt so defeated in that moment, but I also saw a different side of David.
Two months after that evening, I had had enough of his selfish and egotistical ways. I really hadn’t paid too much attention to his ways before, but now I was seeing David for the person who he was. It’s funny how we see what we want to see in people. This wasn’t the first time that I had ignored red flags. When I caught him cheating, he was so manipulative that he had convinced me that his cheating was my fault when I caught him with my own eyes.
David had told me that he would be working some late nights with another associate due to a big project at work. I thought nothing of it since it gave me time to work on my bookstore business plan, and although the other associate was a woman, she had been to our home several times for dinner parties with her husband. We had even had one or two double dates. Lisa was a beautiful and intelligent chocolate-toned woman with a fiery intensity when it came to business. In fact, her and David got into it constantly because he said he thought sometimes she was “too much of a firecracker” and “not feminine enough”.
One night, as I was having dinner alone, I started feeling guilty about David working late and eating takeout while I was having a home cooked meal. So, I decided to surprise him with dinner at his office. I even packed enough for Lisa. When I pulled into the company parking lot, there were only a few cars there since it was afterhours, so it was quite easy to find David’s car after I parked. As I approached the back of the car, I could see David’s silhouette in the driver’s seat. I was relieved that I caught him before he left and started walking faster. Halfway there, I noticed another silhouette sitting in the front passenger seat leaned over with her head in David’s lap. My heart immediately stopped beating as I came to a standstill. It was Lisa. The paper bag I had been holding fell to the ground, but not before my first teardrop. I didn’t know what else to do. I ran back to my car and drove home. I remember practicing what I would say to David when he finally came home, but when I confronted him, he somehow flipped it and said I wasn’t giving him enough attention and he had no other choice. So basically, his infidelity was MY fault. It was difficult, but he promised to not do it again and I didn’t want my marriage to be over, so I started catering to him more, while I was silently shrinking.
So, after I caught him cheating a second (and last) time, I realized that I wanted more. I deserved more. I deserved someone who would love me as much, if not more than I love me. When I finally kicked David out of the house, strangely enough he acted as if I was overreacting. He apologized and promised to never do it again, but of course, that was the second time I was hearing the exact same thing.
Six months after kicking David out, as I was getting used to the idea of a fresh start, tragedy dealt me the most shocking blow I had ever experienced. Both of my parents were killed in an attempted house burglary. According to the police, two men entered the house through a basement window. Once inside, they were surprised by my father who met them at the top of the stairs after he heard the noise. He put up a fight but was no match for the young men. My mother, who was sleeping upstairs, heard the commotion, called 911 and went downstairs to investigate. She was attacked and hit over the head. She lost consciousness and was pronounced dead enroute to the hospital.
My father was badly beaten and in critical condition when they told him about my mother. He cried until his heart just stopped. This did not surprise me. My parents were childhood sweethearts. Together for over fifty years, I could not imagine one without the other. The two men were caught about two blocks from the house. They were employees of my father. Both men had issues with drugs and thought they could just get into the house and take a few things for a quick sale. They said that no one was supposed to be home. My father had told everyone that him and my mother were going on a long vacation. But, at the last minute, my parents decided to delay their trip by a week.
In that one night, everything about my life was forever changed. Being an only child and a bona fide Daddy’s little girl, I was left to deal with the ending of my marriage and the death of both of my parents, who were my number one supporters.
When David showed up for my parents’ wake, just like I knew he would because he was always one to try and save face, I had one of my cousins serve him with the divorce papers. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. Even now when I think back to that day, I cannot believe he wasn’t expecting those papers. He knew not to try and approach me that day, but soon after he tried to contact me numerous times. With everything else going on, I did not want to deal with David anymore. I couldn’t.
My parents had left me everything. I had no idea that my parents had saved so much money. They always preached that “you need to save something for a rainy day.” Their home in Long Island was paid for. They also owned two brownstones in Brooklyn where they were collecting rental income. They owned timeshares in Aruba, Mexico and Puerto Rico. Being retired and business owners, my parents did not let any grass grow under their feet. They had always joked that if anything ever happened to them, I would be well off. I just assumed they had insurance policies for a couple of thousand dollars. When Jeffery, who was their lawyer at the time, read each will and informed me that there was a one-million-dollar life insurance policy on each of my parents, I was stunned...
I purchased a brownstone on 139th street between Lenox Ave. and Adam Clayton Powell Blvd. in Harlem. I renovated it to my specifications. Chocolate, Books & More Café is located on the lower level, and I live in the two-upper levels. As you enter the front door of my living space you are in a large foyer, which leads you into the living room. Off to the right of the living room I have a sunroom which wraps around the front of the brownstone. Behind the living room is a family style dining room. Off to the left is a den which is as large as the sunroom. The restaurant style kitchen is to the right of the dining room. Off from the dining room you step down into the entertainment room, which is used when I have company. I invested time and money into creating the peaceful and Afrocentric aesthetic I desired. From the Al Jarreau pieces that adorn the walls to the bright colors in the sunroom that come to life in the daytime sunlight, I love the serenity in my home.
