I might be crazy, but I swear even back when I was only a little girl, I recall this empty space in my chest always longing to be filled by something. As I grew older, I started to understand what that was. Parker was able to fill it some, but the hole is there, and lately, the ache is more noticeable.

  Parker has only been gone a few days, and I already miss her like crazy. I hadn’t realized how much I leaned on her until she wasn’t there. My dorm room is getting lonelier by the day now that the excitement of having my own space has faded. I should get a social life or something, but the idea makes me cringe.

  I fire a text back to her.

  Me: I’m not jelly at all.

  She hits me back with a text in seconds.

  Parker: I’ll send a plane for you.

  Me: You’re a nut! I’m not coming on your honeymoon.

  I know for a fact she is not joking one bit, and as much as Samuel wants his new wife all to himself right now, he’d do it to make her happy. I love her so dang much. I didn’t know there were people as sweet as her out in the world.

  As jealous as I might get of Samuel taking her from me, I’m glad she found someone that can protect that sweetness. Even with what her father put her through, he was never able to take that from her. It’s simply who she is at the core.

  Parker: Well, the next trip you’re coming. I’d say a girls trip but I don’t think Samuel would be down with that.

  Me: He’d be in the hotel room next door like a stalking bodyguard.

  Parker: LOL! This is true but I still want a few beach days. It’s the least Samuel can give me after shutting down all plans for a bachelorette party.

  I snort a laugh. I’ll never forget his face when I started spouting off my plans for Parker's bachelorette party. I was totally making shit up to see his reaction, and as I thought it would be, it was priceless.

  I order a coffee at the little shop close to my dorm room and debate if I should ask her about Asher. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I’d even dreamt about him last night, and I’d never had a dirty dream before. He was my first, but too bad I’d woken up right before I was about to climax. I tried to take matters into my own hands but failed. That was also a first for me. I might be a virgin, but I know how to handle my own pleasure when the need arises. But now my vagina is no longer satisfied with my hand or my little massage toy. I guess she’s over me and now she only wants Asher.

  I really don’t know anything about him beyond that he lives next door to Samuel and is the hottest man I’ve ever seen. The two of them seemed really close, and I’d even spotted him talking and hanging around Samuel’s parents.

  Me: Did you need anyone to check in on your place? Water some plants or something?

  The text is lame, but it’s the only thing I can think that might lead into conversation about Asher. Logically he’d be the one to check in for them.

  Parker: There are no plants in that house. When I get back, I’m going to need to liven the place up.

  Damn it. That didn’t go as planned, but she really does need to put her touch on things. While it’s really nice, it also looks like a staged home with no personal items.

  Parker: Plus, Asher is next door.

  “Yes!” I shout and everyone in the coffee shop turns my way at my outburst. I duck my head, hating the attention but glad that my plan worked.

  Me: He and Samuel seem close.

  Parker: They’re brothers.

  Me: How the hell did I miss that?!

  Parker: Stepbrothers. Samuel’s father married Asher’s mom when they were in middle school. Their parents are so cute together.

  Samuel’s mom was a sweetheart. Well, I guess his stepmom. I hadn’t realized that. She fawned all over Parker too. Parker soaked it up, and I loved seeing her get the attention she deserved.

  “Lexi.” One of the baristas calls my name and places my coffee down in the pick-up area. I go to snag it and almost run right into someone.

  “Fuck,” Liam grumbles before jumping back to create space between him and me.

  He’s healed up pretty good except for that bump in his nose. It was the result of Samuel’s fist connecting with it. Liam grabs his coffee and bolts out of the coffee shop without another word. I fight a laugh as I grab my own coffee and head out.

  I check the time and realize I’m supposed to be online in ten minutes. I always keep times up for when I’m going to play since a lot of people prefer to watch live. As I make my way across campus in my sweats with my hair piled on top of my head, I notice no one spares me a glance. I wonder if Asher would have paid me any attention if I hadn’t been all dolled up at the wedding. Probably not, and the thought stings.

  The same shit had happened to Parker. When it got out that she was a virgin, men around campus were all trying to get at her. Liam was one of those men, and it was nuts.

  It’s something I’ve been asked a lot. When I play online, people can ask questions in the chat. Sometimes I’ll get a few trolls who I can kick out, but they still have a chance to say what they want for all to see before I hit that ban button. Sometimes I’ll miss them altogether until after it’s already up. It’s hard to play and keep up with the chat stream consistently. Normally the more perverted questions come straight to my inbox, and I’ve gotten asked a lot of strange things.

  Not going to lie, I was really tempted when I once got asked for a picture of my feet. He’d told me he’d send me a hundred bucks, and it blew my mind. I could feed myself off a hundred bucks for a month.

  I scan my key to get into my building and stop at my box to grab my mail before heading up to my floor. Campus and the dorms are pretty dead since we have a small gap before the next semester of classes starts back up.

  When I enter my room, I drop my mail and coffee on my desk before ditching my hoodie with the name of my university on it. I try to keep my location as hidden as possible. I’m sure some who watch my feed have figured it out, but I’m not posting it for all to see. Or making it easy for them.

  I grab one of my Pure sweaters and pull it on. I always have to have something with Pure Energy’s logo showing whenever I record. I check the time again as I get my stuff ready so I can stay at my desk for the next few hours. I still have a couple minutes, so I flip through the few pieces of mail I have, tossing two into the trash and opening one from the university.

  “What the hell?” I whisper.

  How is this even possible? I read the letter over twice to make sure I understand it. One of my scholarships has fallen through. I have two weeks to come up with the ten grand I need for next semester. Not to mention, I’ll need that for every semester that follows too.

  “Shit.” I clear my alarm, telling me it’s time to go live. I jump up and change out of my hoodie and into one of the sponsored tank tops instead and pull down my hair. I shake it out then grab my glasses before I drop back down into my computer chair.

  Am I really thinking about flirting to draw more attention? I bring the screen to live as another thought dawns on me.

  Do I even know how to flirt?

  Chapter Four

  Asher

  My eyes hurt from staring at a computer screen for so long and push away from my desk. Rubbing the heel of my hands against them, I go over to the kitchen and grab a drink.

  Since Sam is on his honeymoon this week, I’ve stocked up my own fridge so I don’t have to go next door. Which is kind of bullshit, if you ask me. All of a sudden my brother gets a wife and now I’ve got to cook my own meals. Yeah, I’m not jealous at all.

  After the wedding, I hounded my mom for all the details I could get on Lexi. I swear she’s like a shark and could smell a drop of blood in the water. The second she knew I was interested, she had me. Even though I did my best to play it off,

  I’ve never shown interest in a woman, and she damn well knew it. My mom loves to tease me, and this was finally her moment.

  By the end of the night, all I got out of her was that she was an online gamer and went to school with Parker. I know my mom knows more, but she’s not giving up the details.

  I tried bribing her with spa days, a shopping trip to Italy, and even an offer to take her to Disneyland, but she didn’t budge. I have no idea why she’s holding out on me, but she told me that if I wanted to know about Lexi, I needed to work for it.

  My dad told me he was staying out of it and disappeared before I could corner him. Coward.

  Unfortunately, universities protect their students' identity, and I couldn’t find out where she was on campus. And I never thought to ask Sam about it when he went to go see Parker. So now all I’ve got to go on is somehow finding her online.

  When I get back to my desk, once again I start the search. Does anyone have any idea how hard it is to find a gamer online? She’s obviously not going by the name Lexi, because I tried all kinds of variations and nothing came up. This time I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind, and I try searching a gaming network that posts all the current lives. What else can I do except pray that she’s on right now and that somehow I find her? I’m leaving it in fate’s hands and hoping the universe sends me to her.

  I scroll the gaming network and see a huge list of lives that are happening. Instead of looking at host names, I search by the video feed and see if I can spot her. Reaching over, I take a drink of my iced coffee, and just as my finger slides over the trackpad, I see her.

  I’m so shocked by the image of her on the screen I spit my coffee out and then curse myself. I have to grab some paper towels, but as I’m wiping off the screen I stare at the beauty that has haunted my thoughts since the second I saw her. She’s got on a low-cut tank top, and her tits are pushed up to nearly spilling out. She’s wearing glasses, which she didn’t have on the other night, and her hair is in a messy bun.

  “Shit,” I say to myself as I stare at her and just how hot she is. How does this woman I don’t even know have this tight grip on me?

  “Now what the fuck do I do?” I’m not familiar with gaming or this site, so I’ve got to sign up in order to talk to her.

  After giving the site all of my information, I’ve got to pick a name, and it takes me exactly two seconds to come up with one. Once I’ve got it set up, I’m able to go to her live video and watch her as she games. I don’t know what she’s playing, but as I watch her, I try to absorb every detail. There’s not much she’s giving away with where she’s at, but I guess that’s good. She doesn’t want strange weirdos messaging her. Then I pause and wonder if I’m the strange weirdo. Whatever, I’m not going to think about that. I’ve found her, and that’s the most important thing.

  As I go to the comment section, I read through some of the people already on the chat.

  BroCoder: Nice tits!

  CobraCode: Don’t mind watching a girl game as long as she’s got a rack.

  Overlord: Take your top off!

  “What the fuck?” Rage like I’ve never felt flows through me, and suddenly I want to burn the Internet to the ground.

  BroCoder: Sent you a private message!

  I watch as Lexi glances at the chat and then a few of the messages disappear.

  “Thanks for coming on today, I’m going to show you how to get through this realm and find the hidden axe you need to complete the next level,” she says, completely ignoring them, and then I see her private messages turn off.

  She glances back to the screen, and for a second, I think she’s looking right at me, but I know that’s not possible. There are a few more comments that come through but nothing else about the way she looks. Does this shit happen to her all the time?

  Since I can’t message her directly, I’m relegated to the chat. How the fuck am I supposed to talk to her?

  “While I’m going through the start-up, I just wanted to let you know I’m turning on the subscription option on my page if you’d like to join. With the subscription you can get early access to live videos, videos that I don’t release to the public, and you can also send me gifts through my wish list.”

  This is all so much that I’m not sure where to begin.

  RunawayBridesmaid: Hi

  I want to punch myself in the face. Hi? I fucking sent her hi. Ugh, I’m an idiot.

  “Hey, babe, thanks for joining.” She smiles at the screen and waves. “I love having gamer girls on here with me.”

  “Goddamn it.” I drop my head on my desk and realize what I’ve done. “Great, now she thinks I’m a chick.”

  The comment section moves fast, and I can’t catch all of what people are saying. I’ve got to figure out a way to stand out, or at least get her attention. I can’t just ask her where she lives because that makes me a creep.

  RunawayBridesmaid: Can you do private videos?

  “And here you want to be sure and load up on ammo,” she says before she glances at the chat. “Do I do private chats? Umm, I don’t know. Maybe?” She smiles, and I see that it’s a little forced. “Maybe for the right price.” Then I see her hesitate a second and then wink at the screen. I have the urge to laugh because she’s obviously never done that before. How is her awkward wink so fucking cute?

  Then the chat goes crazy with all kinds of comments, some disgusting and some offering money to go private now. Who are all these fucking assholes? Then I remind myself that I’m one of them, trying to get her alone.

  Deciding I need to make this happen, I go over to the place to donate gifts. I fill out the info and then send her coins, which somehow translate to dollars on the gaming app. Once that’s done, there’s no place to leave a message, and her DMs are turned off. All I can do is hope that she sees the coins and invites me to a private chat.

  In the meantime, I’m going to sit here and try not to come out of my skin. Because seeing her on here with other men fawning after her is driving me fucking insane.

  Chapter Five

  Lexi

  Time drags by as I play, and I’m freaking thankful I turned off private messages. My chat box blew up when I said I might do private chats. I’m sure I was awkward when I did the whole wink thing, but going off how many questions exploded over it, maybe I’m not too bad at flirting.

  I’m not sure what RunawayBridesmaid might want to chat with me about, but I’ve heard about some other streamers being asked to give private lessons. That’s normally for things like Magic or some card games, but I’m sure I could give a few tricks to first-hand shooters. That’s all I pretty much do with these videos anyway.

  I probably shouldn’t lead with that if this is something that could make me money. I should just go with it and collect the money. She could also be wondering about another game since this isn’t the only one I stream or do videos for. For all I know she might want me to teach her since I’m a girl, and it would be less awkward if she’s looking for help.

  Ahh, what if she’s a girl learning to play to surprise her boyfriend so they can play together? Did I really just turn this into a romance story in my head? Parker is clearly rubbing off on me.

  She forced a romance book on me the first day I met her, and I told her I’d read it if she’d play a video game with me. She played, but she didn’t get into it. However, I fell hard into her books. Thankfully, she has a giant shelf that I can always steal from.

  I glance at the time while I reload my ammo and loot my kills. When I see time’s almost up, I scan over the chat, where one catches my eye.

  NubSlayer4Life: What else do you do in private for the “right price”?

  “If you have to ask, Nub, you can’t afford it.”

  DiscoThunder: She doesn’t do that kind of shit. Nub off.

  A few of my regulars jump all over the chat in my defense, and guilt fills me. They’re not wrong. Until this point, I’ve done a very good job of trying to be taken seriously. It's bullshit because women should be able to dress how they want and still be taken seriously, but the world, especially this one, doesn't work that way.

  “I think I’m done for now. I’m going to grab some lunch and then I’ll open my private chat for messages. I’ll only respond to real and respectful messages and others will be blocked and deleted.” Not that it matters. People can create a new name in seconds, but it helps filter some bullshit out.

  “I’ll be back tonight showing the fastest way to do the new dailies for Morgalf rep for Battle Cast and grinding up to get their marks.”

  A slew of chats ding in about grinding, and I roll my eyes. “Some of you seriously need to get laid,” I laugh before signing out, but I stay online to watch some of the messages spill into my inbox.

  I pick up the letter I’d tossed aside from the university about one of the scholarships falling through and read over it again. A part of me is hoping I read it wrong or missed something, but of course I hadn’t.

  Swallowing down the ball of emotion that rises in my throat, I try not to panic. Every time I think I’ve gotten my life in some kind of order, something comes along and knocks it over. I busted my ass for every scholarship that I have, and I told myself if I could get these scholarships I’d let myself get a degree in software engineering.

  At the moment, the market is flooded with people holding that degree. It’s not as stable as something else I could get a degree in, and there are plenty of other fields that would be so much safer. But I thought if I didn’t have a pile of school loans over me, then it was worth the risk. Hell, I don’t know if I can get any loans. I don’t have credit, and I’m shocked someone let me open a bank account. I don’t know how long a loan would take to get, but I would guess longer than two weeks.

  Parker would help me if I asked, but as soon as the thought enters my head, I chuck it right out. There’s no way I could ask her that. She’s the only real person I have in my life, and I never want to do anything that could risk that.

 

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