Four Times Blessed, page 24
“I’m not being stupid, Eleni. Zizi told me not to come, so I’m not,” I say seriously.
She makes a throaty sound, “Please. You are so overdramatic. She was just mad that you wouldn’t listen to her. Once you do, she won’t care. She’ll let you back. She’s just waiting for you to come around.”
“I don’t want to come around, tell her that. She told me she didn’t need me around, so I won’t come. I won’t bother her anymore.”
“You know Andrew came by today, and he withdrew his offer of marriage. He spoke to Uncle Groton, and he’s gone, Crusa.”
Considering I turned Andrew down first, I’m surprised by the hollowness that seeps from my chest now. But hollowness doesn’t really hurt. It doesn’t really bother me at all.
“I don’t care he’s gone. So what?”
“So what? So what are we going to do? You’ve ruined us all. You ruined me!”
“You were going to do the same thing.”
“I was going to take you with me!” She pants, shadow at her back, “You should have taken me with you.”
I blink a few times. I can’t answer her. For the first time since that last morning at the meetinghouse, I feel regret.
“What’s wrong with you?” Eleni says, close to tears.
“Just shut up,” I say, too hurt to really argue.
“Crusa,” Cassie tugs on her. She whispers something. Then Eleni stomps right off the boat and drops into some smaller one.
“Crusa.”
Cassie is still there, standing quietly outside the door. The boys both shift around, twin-like.
“What?” I say miserably.
“Please come back.”
“Honey, I can’t.”
I shut my eyes and start shaking my head. I open them, but she’s gone. She’s gone so I bury myself in the couch.
I wake up on Lium’s chest, my leg over his, his arms around me. I’m so cozy. I look up and see his mouth, so calm and full and sweet. I burrow my head back down and his arms tighten. I sleep again.
I wake to him putting a curl behind my ear. I stretch and yawn loudly, gripping him tighter.
I feel him laughing. He’s happy. I wish I could stay longer. But today I have to leave.
I burrow deeper into his side. He’s quiet. We lay there long enough that my thoughts unravel, and dissolve.
The quarter-after bells.
“I have to go to the base.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m deploying tomorrow. I need to check in.” I get up and start searching for my shoes. Actually, I don’t remember if I came with any. I spot someone’s boots by the door, and go drop a foot in each one. They’re too big. I bend down to redo the laces.
“You’re still going?” Lium sits up.
“Yes. Tomorrow.”
He let’s me finish the other boot. They clamp my ankles, but the feet are loose when I take a few test steps.
“So you think I can’t take care of you?” I glance up. I should have done it sooner. Lium is glowering at me.
“What? No. No, I never thought that.”
Not really. Because that would mean I was really considering having him, Lium, take care of me. Which I’m not.
“Lium-”
“No. Don’t give me that, Crusa. It’s good to know what you think. You’re wrong, but it’s good for me to know.”
“Lium.”
“What? You gonna tell me some more about how I can’t meet your precious little standards, princess?”
“No. I’m just saying, it’s for the best. Apparently, I suck everyone I come into contact with as dry as a bone, and I’d rather leave you and your brother and everyone else...unsucked.”
He stares. I can’t blame him, that sounded really dumb. I try not to flinch.
“Crusa, what world do you live in?”
When I don’t say anything enlightening, he rubs his hands through his hair.
“You’re killing me.”
“Sorry.”
I catch his gaze. Yes, I did say that to annoy you, Lium.
He stands and takes the three steps towards me. They shift the boat.
“Don’t go to that place.”
“I have to.” I think I see him twitch.
“Crus…”
“No. Did you see what I did? No more, please, no more.” I gasp, “She doesn’t want me, Lium. She doesn’t want me, she hates me! I’m a waste. I’ve wasted her.”
I try not to breathe anymore because I think I’m hyperventilating. My eyebrows are fuzzy.
“Crusa.” God damnit, why does he get to be so calm?
“What.”
“Your aunt doesn’t hate you.”
“She does.”
He lets that sit while I continue to get myself under control.
“Crusa.”
“What?”
I watch him warily, tracking the upturned hands that he’s holding out between us. He comes towards me and says my name once more, “Crusa.” I don’t bolt as he’s being careful to stay back. A good distance, as I’ve retreated to the wall.
He crosses his arms, and nods slowly. “Fine. Go to that place,” he jerks his head towards the island. “But don’t stay. Come back after. Spend your last night with us.”
I stare now, stuck in some kind of pulsing trance.
I nod.
His eyes change, relieved. I go to him, and he ducks my head and hugs me, kisses me on the head. I rest there and close my eyes. I kiss the bottom of his jaw goodbye. He squeezes me one last time and then makes some wisecrack about having a good day at work, honey. He’ll miss me.
I go to the main lobby, two minutes later, I have goosebumps and my fingernails are blue. It smells the same, the AC grumbling sounds the same. I pick up a dense canvas bag from the lady in Resources, my orders tucked safely away in a tense, waterproof pocket, and follow deer paths down to the north shore.
When I flop over the rail, Lium is a changed man.
“Hey there, little sharkie.”
“Hello…”
“Fish?” He holds out a sizzling skewer.
“In a little bit,” I wring out my blouse’s hem. I plan to lay out and sundry in the last hour of light.
Lium starts humming.
“Why are you so happy?”
“I’m always happy.”
I march right over, toe to toe, and start inspecting. There’s a lightness about him that wasn’t there this morning. An ease. I keep scouring. A shade falls over just him, it seems, and makes his eyes get big. Not like this morning.
“What are you up to….?” I take a step back.
He leans forward and tells me, “Working on my plans, love.” When he kisses my ear, he’s scruffy.
“You have plans?” I whisper.
“Yes, I have plans now. I’ll tell them to you, if you want.”
My mouth hangs slack. He laughs, then finds that mouth with his. There’s pressure everywhere. Crushing me, pounding in my ears, my heart. As if I’ve been plunged down deep, deep, deep, and held. I remember it’s Lium, and somehow I can suffocate and live all at once. I hold on to him like I’ll drown him too. For a moment, I worry, but then I feel his heart and I know he’s alive too.
“Hey!”
I kiss him again and he pulls me in more.
A fierce tweeting pierces my ears and I jerk, my hands fly to cover them. Hale yells something. Then there is a splash and a long, heavy hiss. The tweeting stops. I think I’d fall over if Lium wasn’t still against me, stroking my side.
“Fire, you guys.” Hale drops an arm over the side and comes up with a bucketful of water. He then dumps it over the small stove.
“We should go,” he says, scanning the yellow sky and steel waters around us. He puts his head down and climbs back into the wheelhouse.
After some moments, Lium moves to clean up. I keep strategically at his back while I help. I’m afraid it’ll burst into flames again or something. I eyeball it warily.
“I’m not sure I’m going to like burnt up fish as much as I like burnt up marshmallows,” says Lium, dangling a charred tail with half a spine. I make a face.
We decide to try that again. And this time we promise not to distract each other with any talk other than that which is related to the precarious task of cooking fish on a pitching and rocking boat that’s made of flammable materials.
“I think Hale is hiding from us,” I say, nudging the last little fish onto the piece of wood. Lium takes the platter and then my hand, “Don’t worry about Hale, little Crus. He’ll get over it.”
He kisses my forehead, and I remember what we just did. He can’t seem to decide if he should push me ahead or pull me along as we make our way to the little bolted down table in the cabin. I end up climbing under the platter, his arm, and the table in order to find a good spot in the alcove. Hale appears just as the food is set down.
“Where we’re going, people will expect it.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re married, love.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I followed you today, and then I followed a guy named Mark. Lieutenant Mark Sanchez. Who you married last weekend, after the whole thing with the other guy. Then Mark volunteered for deployment.”
“I married Mark?”
“Yes, and now that you two have marital status, your request to be deployed to the same area was granted,” he says, pretending to have a New York accent. “They at first didn’t want to give it to me, but when I mentioned who my wife was, they got all helpful. The guy couldn’t get us in the same unit, sorry babe, and we have to stay in separate barracks, but we’ll be stationed at the same base.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Nope,” he grins.
“Oh. My. God.” I stare at him. “What does Mark Sanchez do?”
“I don’t know, something about diffusing.”
“Oh my God, Lium, you can’t just do that!”
He shrugs, “Mark’s teaching me.”
“What?!”
Lium takes a sip of water. “I’ve got him up on the island. Actually, your brother has him, so don’t worry, he’s safe. He promised to teach me everything he knows.”
I groan and slide under the table. I crawl over the boys’ feet and, with one last scathing look, I march off to the bunk.
Approximately twelve minutes later, I pad my way back. I lean against the bulkhead and watch the boys eat.
Lium stops. “Yes, my dear?”
“Don’t,” I plead. “Just because you said so doesn’t mean I’m your wife…wife.” I slouch further into the wall.
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, hon,” he says. “But I didn’t want you to go alone. And even though you said I was yours, you weren’t going to take me. So I had to get creative.” I’m overwhelmed.
“So…you’re really coming?”
“Yup.”
I let out a gust of air I didn’t know was in me. I go over and kneel on the bench and hug Lium’s head nice and close.
“It’ll be dangerous,” I say.
He grins, “I know.”
“You need to be careful.”
“So do you.”
I’m quiet for a few moments, trying to put together a good strong argument. This boy’s instincts are far too generous for his own good. He’s too confident, too. It makes him self-sacrificing in a way that’s hereditarily baffling. But it’s him and me together.
Somehow, I end up saying, “I’m glad you’re coming,” and I hug him some more.
“Hale’s coming, too.”
“What?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll be there. Just somebody tell me when we’re leaving.”
I wince. “Whatever happens, I just want you to know, I’m sorry, thank you, and I love you.” Lium goes still, but having him all around me and under me, I feel that it’s a still like he’s about to jump.
I turn, sinking back against the big warm boy. I look to Hale, still slouching there across the table. “Both of you guys.” I glance up to find Lium watching me with heavy, half-closed lids.
He squeezes around my stomach and says, “No matter what, I promise you, we’ll go through it together. Do you believe me?”
“Yes,” I say. He nods. Tightens his hold on me and kisses me gently. It’s wonderful.
“Hale?”
“’Course,” he says gruffly.
My entrance time is at eight. The boys’ unit is designated a higher number, so their time isn’t until nine-thirty. We say we’ll see each other soon, and I cross the airfield by myself.
I have some errands to run before lining up in the courtyard. I run down to the AIS labs to pick up my good headphones and some new field equipment they sent to my mailbox down there.
I’m just walking back into the stairwell, when the sirens first wail.
End of part one
People tell me:
My zizi was in the garden, when it happened. Kneeling, pulling up potatoes, she heard the bells clanging, and a faint blaring she could have sworn, from above. Her heart stopped.
She ran inside to get everyone together.
Eleni was at the fish market. My Uncle Groton carried her piggyback, up towards the meetinghouse.
Cassie hustled onto the green with her mother.
My brother Milo was sweeping up the shop, he didn’t even put down the broom when he ran into the street. He didn’t realize he ran with it, nor did he take off the heavy leather apron until he was crouched in the shelter with the rest.
The boys were where I left them, more or less. They ran into the airfield, just before the earth shook.
Some of the others saw the top of the belltower drop, and they knew. Others heard the bells stop, then gentle thunder.
Hale said, from where they were, they saw it all. It fell neatly, he said. In order. On top of itself, like an acrobats’ tower. Then it was vanished,
just blue sky and dust.
Alexa Liguori, Four Times Blessed
