Winter's Role, page 14
Stephanie shook her head. The trolls on her social media pages had been bad enough, but the phone calls had been the worst. She had finally admitted that somehow, someone had gotten her home number. Originally just hang-ups, they had progressed to thinly veiled threats. The things they said in those calls had terrified her. “No. Since the police haven’t been able to trace them, I took Joanie’s advice and got rid of the land-line altogether right before we left. I’m still worried, though. I never thought people would get so upset about my coming out.”
“I know, Sweetheart. Reading those articles about you, and seeing you on the late night shows when I wasn’t there with you…and the questions they asked you about us…I wanted to rip their heads off, sometimes. I could see in your eyes how much it hurt you, and it killed me that I wasn’t there.” She pulled Steph up and hugged her close. “I’ve tried to be there for you as often as I can to help you through this. It hasn’t been my favorite experience, but I don’t regret doing this with you. And it’s not wrong of you to want us to be together all the time. I want the same thing.”
“You’ve been so good about everything. I’m sorry I even brought it up. I know you can’t just give up the band and leave the guys hanging. You have obligations, too. It’s incredibly selfish of me to expect more from you. I mean, you give and you give and I…”
Jessie put a finger to her lips. “Shh…don’t. I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.” She kissed her lightly and played with her hair, twirling it around a finger. “Just give me some time, Sweetheart. I’m working on a few things. I promise you won’t be disappointed. I want this too.”
“Jess, I could never be disappointed in you.”
Jessie kissed her again, smiling at her when she let her go. She looked deep into green eyes and said, “Steph, I swear to you…things will fall into place. And when they do, it’s going to be perfect. Please just trust me?”
“I trust you. I’m just…impatient, I guess.”
Jessie looked down and lifted her chin up with her fingers. With her free hand she caught the delicate chain of the necklace she’d given Stephanie for her birthday the week before. “Do you know why I picked this particular necklace for you?”
Shaking her head, the actress joked, “You thought it was pretty?” She knew Jessie meant something else, she just wasn’t sure what.
“It is beautiful, and you look gorgeous wearing it…but I meant the other reason,” she said, giving her a peck on the nose.
“Oh, then…no,” she answered, playing along for the moment.
“I picked this one because I meant it to be my promise to you. It’s my love for you, wrapped up in a bow for you to carry with you everywhere.” She kissed her again, this time on the lips. When she let Stephanie up for air, she continued. “This necklace is my word that we will work this out. I guess I’ve been just a little…I don’t know, scared, isn’t really the right word. But, after everything with Bobby I just…I just don’t want to rush into anything.”
Stephanie sighed. She couldn’t ask Jessie for more. She had already opened herself up more than she’d ever expected. That day on the boat, she thought she’d ruined everything when she’d pushed Jess so hard. But Jessie surprised her by telling her so much about her past. The day was a turning point in their relationship, and they’d grown closer than ever, after that. So, resigning herself to the situation for now, she said, “You are so sweet. And I’m so lucky to have you. If you need time, you’ve got it. All the time you need.” She leaned down and kissed her, long and slow. When she finally broke the kiss, she smiled at her dangerously, arching a brow. “Just don’t take too long.”
“You’re wearing my promise. We’re tied together, you and me.” She reached up and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.
“Mmm, that sounds kinda kinky. I didn’t know you were into that,” Stephanie said, grinding her hips into Jessie.
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me yet, Sweetheart. And…” she flipped her over until Stephanie was underneath her. “We have all day and night to discover new things about each other. You just tell me if I get too kinky.”
“You have a ‘safe word’ for me to use?” Stephanie whispered, smiling crookedly up at her.
Jessie stared down at her, wishing she had the guts to do what she wanted. Her mind strayed momentarily to the small box hidden in her luggage, and then back again, to look at Stephanie. Then, making a decision, she said, “Fucking beautiful…” and bent to kiss her again.
* * * *
Eventually, they’d gotten up and gone out to take one more walk around Athens. They’d done some last minute shopping and eaten at a wonderful little tavern close to the hotel. When they returned, they packed everything they could so they wouldn’t have to rush in the morning. Then, falling into bed, they’d spent some more time ‘discovering new things’ about each other before finally falling asleep.
Sometime around three, Stephanie woke up suddenly. She’d been pulled out of some dream where Jessie was walking away from her and she was chasing her, calling her name. Jessie didn’t look back though, giving no indication that she’d heard Stephanie at all. Bathed in sweat, Stephanie got up and went into the bathroom. Grabbing the handle of the water faucet, she turned on the cold water and splashed her face, drying it off with the hand towel.
As she walked back out to the bedroom, she stopped and just stood there, watching Jessie sleep. She looked so peaceful, she didn’t want to wake her by crawling back into bed. Still, it felt so good when she wrapped her arms around her…even when she was half asleep and unaware that she was doing it. It made Steph feel so loved. Watching her sleep brought the dream back to her, though. Remembering it now, she realized it wasn’t the same as the old nightmare she used to have. This one hadn’t seemed so real, once she woke up. The old one had always seemed so realistic she was afraid to open her eyes sometimes. It clung to her like a shroud, making her feel dark and depressed.
For years, she’d had the same nightmare that she was walking down some foggy street, someone walking behind her, stalking her like prey. It had gotten so bad at one point, that she’d even taken sleeping pills to help her sleep. Then, a couple of months before she went to Ohio to work with Jessie, they stopped. She had believed they were gone for good, but they returned with a vengeance right before she arrived in Ohio. She realized now in hindsight, that the nightmare had been some sort of premonition. While she was there, one of the men in Jessie’s office attacked her in her hotel room, attempting to rape her. If it hadn’t been for Jessie and Theresa walking in and catching him, he would have succeeded.
She sighed and decided to go out and sit on the balcony for a while. If nothing else, the fresh air might blow the last remnants of the dream out of her head. On her way, she grabbed a bottle of water. Sitting down, she allowed her thoughts to wander. Their conversation earlier in the day must have been running through her head to cause her to have such a stupid dream.
On the other hand, she had been pushing Jessie to move in with her. What if she got too scared and decided to end their relationship? Logically, she knew Jessie wouldn’t do that, but after everything with Linda…she shook her head. No, Jessie wouldn’t do that to her. She’d promised she’d never leave her. She’d given her word, quite literally, when she gave Steph the necklace for her birthday. She’d said so earlier today. Since she’d moved back to LA, Jessie had gone out of her way to be available for her whenever she needed her. She’d said it herself. They would practice creative scheduling. It had worked so far, but it wasn’t perfect, and they both knew it. And yet…she couldn’t get the fear out of her head, which just irritated her more. She hated dwelling on things…especially her fears; but for some reason, she just couldn’t stop worrying. Every time she pushed Jess a little bit, she’d spend the rest of the day worrying about what Jessie was going to do. She really needed to start having more faith in her.
Staring out at the city, she thought back over the last few months. She had fallen for Jessie from the moment they met. She hadn’t realized it at the time, even though she’d been attracted to Jessie from the start. Despite Joanie’s suggestion of a fling, she’d had no intentions of getting involved with anyone, when she met the lawyer/singer. Her experiences with romances like that had been poor, to say the least. Instead, she’d decided to pretend that she wasn’t interested, which lasted all of the first hour of the first day they spent together. And then, she’d seen Jessie perform at The Blue Rose, and that had been it.
Jessie had strutted out onto that stage dressed in those tight black leather pants, the black leather boots and the white pirate shirt, and all hope was lost. By the time that evening was over, she was hopelessly, deeply in love and unable to hide it. Jessie had invited her to a party after the show, and by the end of that weekend, she’d practically moved in with her. Since then, the only nights they’d spent apart were after she moved back to LA and Jessie had to be in Ohio.
Now, thinking about it, she could see that the whole thing had moved pretty quickly. She’d known all along that it had. She just hadn’t wanted to think about it until now. To be honest, she didn’t really want to think about it now, either. But it appeared her mind had other ideas. She knew that Jessie had been afraid of falling for her. She had told her what had happened with Bobby and Stephanie had understood. She hadn’t told Jessie at the time that she’d been hurt, too. Nor had she mentioned how badly.
When Jessie finally found out, she didn’t even bat an eye. She simply held her and listened to everything she had to say. The revelation about Linda, Kate and Tommy hadn’t spooked or upset her. In fact, it only seemed to bring them closer. She shook her head. How could she ever think that Jessie would leave her? She heard a noise and turned her head. Jessie was there, checking on her. Shoving her worries to the back of her mind, she smiled to herself and called her name quietly.
* * * *
Jessie rolled over, reaching for Steph as she did. Feeling nothing but the sheet under her hand, she came fully awake. At first, she thought Stephanie might have just gone to the bathroom, but then she realized that Steph’s side of the bed was cold. She’d obviously been gone for a while. Getting up, she pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, before going to look for her.
Checking the bathroom first, she then headed for the living room of the suite. She was just about to flip a light on, when she noticed a slight breeze. Squinting her eyes in the dimness of the room, she could see that the balcony door was open. Looking a little closer, she saw Stephanie sitting in one of the chairs, looking out over the city. She appeared to be lost in thought, and Jessie chose not to join her. It was obvious that Stephanie wanted to be alone, or she wouldn’t be out there by herself. Instead, convinced that she wasn’t hurt or sick, she turned around to go back to bed. As long as she knew Steph was all right…that was the important part. When she turned to leave, she must have made a noise, because she heard Steph call her name.
Cursing herself for disturbing her, Jessie answered, “Yeah, it’s me.” She walked to the balcony door but didn’t step outside. “I’m sorry I bothered you. I woke up and you weren’t there. But if you’re okay…” She turned to leave.
Stephanie wrinkled her brow and reached out a hand. “You don’t have to go. You’re not bothering me.”
“I thought maybe you needed some time alone,” Jessie said quietly, shrugging. She caught the hand with her own and squeezed. They had, after all, spent every waking hour of every day with each other for almost two weeks. She knew that could be overwhelming for some people and she understood. She’d felt that way from time to time over the years. Never with Stephanie, though. She was an exception to everything.
Stephanie shook her head, pulling Jessie onto the balcony. “No. I’m all right. I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake you up, too.”
Jessie stood behind Stephanie’s chair and rested her hands on her shoulders. “You’re worried that you’re pushing me, aren’t you?” she asked quietly, instinctively knowing the answer.
“I don’t mean to, Jess,” she said, a hint of sadness coming through in her voice. “I just miss you so much when you’re not with me. And before you say anything, I know you can’t just uproot your life.”
Jessie squeezed her shoulders. “You’re not pushing me. I told you…I want this too.” She kissed her on top of the head and moved to sit on her knees in front of her. Looking up into Steph’s eyes and holding her hands, she said, “Steph, this…what we have…it doesn’t scare me anymore. Not since that first night we made love to each other. You know that I didn’t enter into this relationship lightly. This is what I want…you and me…the kids…everything. Hell, I might even consider getting a dog.” Stephanie laughed at that, and Jessie went on. “You’re not pushing me too hard, and I will never leave you. Please stop worrying that I will. I couldn’t leave you if I tried.”
Stephanie gazed into the blue eyes and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. She sighed. “Jess…” Jessie’s face was open and honest, allowing Stephanie to see the love that lay beneath the layers. How could she have ever thought that this beautiful woman would ever leave her? “I love you.”
Jessie smiled. “I know.” Standing up, she leaned in and kissed her. “I’m going back to bed. Take your time. I’ll be there when you’re ready.”
Stephanie didn’t release her hand. Instead, she held her in place. “Will you stay out here with me? Just for a while? I don’t want to miss a moment of Greece with you.”
Jessie smiled at the gentle request and pulled the other chair up next to her. Sitting down, she continued to hold Stephanie’s hand. Neither one of them said anything else as they sat there, taking in the cool Aegean air. Eventually, Stephanie started to nod off, and Jessie convinced her that it was time to go back to bed. When she made a trip to the bathroom before crawling into bed, Jessie took a moment to look in her suitcase. Tucked in the small bag she used to carry her make-up and toothbrush was a small jewelry box. Opening it, she stared at the contents for a moment before closing it gently and replacing it in its hiding place. Sighing, she blinked back a tear. Now wasn’t the time, although they couldn’t be in a more beautiful spot in the world. Things just hadn’t fallen into place, yet. When she heard the toilet flush, she hurriedly hopped into bed and waited. When Steph joined her, she turned out the light and wrapped herself around her once more, biting her lip. God, she wanted this to be forever!
Chapter 12
The flight home left them both fighting jet lag, and Stephanie was glad that she’d agreed to stay with Jessie one more night before flying on to LA. Theresa was kind enough to pick them up at the airport, and was waiting when they disembarked.
“Hey you two, you guys look great!” Theresa said, hugging each of them in greeting. Taking in their relaxed appearance and the tanned skin, she asked, “How was Greece?”
“Greece was gorgeous,” Stephanie answered her, returning the hug. “How have things been here?”
Theresa shrugged. “The same. Nothing much changes here, you know. Lacy asked me to have you call her though, Jess. She said she has some business to talk to you about.”
“I’ll take care of it tomorrow. Right now, I want to grab something to eat and lay down. I can’t believe just sitting on a plane could make me feel so tired. You’d think I actually flew myself instead of just sitting!”
“Yeah, jet lags sucks,” Stephanie agreed. They arrived at the baggage claim, and she quickly located her suitcases, loading them onto the cart. Jessie did the same, and within ten minutes, they were loading everything into the trunk of Theresa’s car.
Stopping at ‘Wild Panda’ on the way back to Theresa’s, they were seated immediately by Bau Yu. “Welcome home, Jessie…Stephanie,” the older Chinese woman said, giving each of them a huge hug. “What can I get for you to drink this evening?’ she asked as they took their seats.
“Umm, just water tonight, I think,” Jessie said. She’d been nursing a headache since leaving London, and thought the water would be better than wine. Stephanie agreed, ordering water for herself, and Theresa asked for a bottle of Bud Light. As the woman went to get their drinks, a waitress came by and took their dinner orders.
Fifteen minutes later, they were busy regaling Theresa with stories about their trip. “God T, you and Brian have got to go. You’d both love it,” Jessie said, taking another bite of her Vegetable Cheiu Salad and showing her yet another picture of Athens.
“It’s got to be one of the most beautiful, romantic places on earth,” Stephanie agreed, digging into her own Vietnamese Papaya Salad with gusto.
Theresa noticed as she looked over at the actress that she had a faraway look in her green eyes. Glancing at Jessie, she saw the same look reflected in her blue ones and wondered what they were thinking about. It was obvious that neither of them was really there at the moment. But, as quickly as the look had come, it was gone again, and neither woman seemed inclined to share what was on her mind. Shrugging to herself, she dug into her Panang Beef Curry, and resolved to ask Jessie about it later.
It was getting late, by the time they finally finished dinner and headed back to Theresa’s for the night. Once they arrived, Stephanie excused herself right away. “I hope you’re not upset, Theresa, but I don’t think I can hold my eyes open any longer.”
“Of course not. Please, go on and get some rest.” She hugged the actress good night. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be in shortly,” Jessie said, watching wistfully as Stephanie walked down the hall toward the guest room.
