Spy Games, page 5
"Yeah, maybe," I grumbled, hating the thought of this much power under my bloody house.
"Lie down. It feels awesome. Gives the best back massage ever." Jen lay back down and groaned with delight. Unable to resist, I did the same.
"Bloody hell, it's like the best mattress ever, or even my chair, times a thousand."
"Told you."
We both sighed as we spread our arms and legs and wallowed in pure comfort unlike anything I had ever experienced before. No wonder Shey Redgold had no problem sleeping. This was better than any memory foam mattress from back in the day.
"It's like a dream," murmured Jen from what felt like a million miles away.
"Sure is. All floaty and like we're in space."
"Are we?" she asked, giggling.
"I don't think so," I said, frowning as I tried to figure out if we were or not.
We both laughed at our utter lack of concern as we drifted deep into a stoner trance. I finally understood what the appeal was for the dwarves. Shey Redgold had tried to explain to me countless times how there was a connection between a dwarf and his gold, and how it nurtured his soul, was like a lover's caress, a mother holding a child. That it was more than just the wealth, which meant little, but something deeper, more esoteric, making you believe you belonged and your worries dissolved, leaving you utterly content and sure that all was right in the world.
I finally got it. Maybe because we were lying down surrounded by such a hoard, or maybe because the grumpy dwarf wasn't here to interrupt our vibe, whatever it was we were finally welcomed and made part of something.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?" I asked dreamily.
"I feel like I'm sinking. Do you?"
"I sure do. As though the gold is swallowing me up and I'm sinking into the bowels of the earth. A true dwarf." I laughed at the sensation, my eyes closed, shiny pops of light going off like fireworks as my limbs felt lighter and my hangover finally evaporated.
"Dad?"
"Hmm?"
"I think I am actually sinking." Jen laughed then was silent.
"It sure feels that way, my little apple." Jen said nothing, and her laughing had stopped.
Like it took all the effort in the world, I reached out my arm to take her hand, but got nothing but a fistful of gold that tinkled as I let it go. Frowning, but still stoned as fuck, I opened my eyes to the intense glare of yellow as bright as the sun. I turned my head only to find that Jen wasn't there. Where'd she gone?
The gold shifted and her hand shot up through the coins, fingers drifting lazily as though on a delicate breeze. Puzzled, but not overly concerned, because I was so damn comfortable, I tickled the tips of her fingers with my own. She grabbed onto me tight, forcing me back to a semblance of reality as she gripped higher and with more urgency.
Suddenly, my bed of gold shifted and I realized that I was already half buried and was sinking fast. I tried to roll aside, but I was so content and Jen was still gripping me tight, that all I managed to do was make myself sink further into this madness.
Laughing like a fucking lunatic, I held my daughter's hand as the bottom literally fell out of my world and we were free-falling in utter darkness, on our way to who knew where.
"Fucking dwarves," I muttered, because they were all bastards.
"What's happening?" asked Jen, still sounding stoned.
"Nothing to worry about. Just dwarf mischief."
"Are we holding hands?"
"We are."
"Good, because otherwise I think I'd panic. Um, Dad?"
"Yes, my angel?"
"We're falling, right?"
"Yep."
"And that's bad?"
"I would say, yes, it's bad. But we'll stop soon."
"How do you know?" Jen squeezed my hand tighter.
"Because nothing lasts forever. Try to relax."
"I was relaxed, but I think it's all wearing off. My heart's hammering and I'm scared."
I felt exactly the same. The buzz was gone. In its place terror tried to surface. "I'm here. Nothing to worry about. Just go with it."
"Are you s…"
The wind was knocked out of us both as we thudded into something hard, yet soft enough to cushion our fall. My guess was gold, and lots of it, but I still had my eyes closed so it was mere conjecture.
"Damn, glad that's over with," I told Jen, still holding on to her. Her palms were sweaty, or mine were.
"Me too. Wow, look at the size of this lot. It's huge."
"What is?"
"Open your eyes, silly. You've got to see this. It's unbelievable." Jen released her hold on me so I did as I was told.
I was dumbfounded. We were on a veritable mountain of gold. Piles and piles of the stuff. Probably as much as Shey Redgold had in the basement, all in one massive, unsorted, chaotic pile. As we shifted about so the mountain moved with us, like being on a very expensive sand dune.
Around us, the cavernous hallways of the land of the dwarves were lit with torches that never went out. Huge pillars rose until lost to sight, supporting the rock high above that had been carved out over countless millennia to make vast hallways that put the best cathedrals in our world to shame.
"Jen?"
"Hmm?" She was transfixed by the glistening mountain. Yellow, orange, and red glinted as the torches flickered from the gentle, acrid breeze drifting along these hallowed halls for eternity.
"You might want to have a look around. It's worth a glance," I promised her.
"Huh?" Jen scooped up a handful of coins then let them fall between her fingers. Her eyes were glazed over and she sighed deeply as she licked her lips.
"Hey. Hey!" I shouted, snapping my fingers in her face. My shout echoed around the vast hall before lost to the heights.
"Ugh, sorry. I felt weird again. What is with these dwarves? How can they get anything done?"
"You get used to it," I shrugged. "Kind of. The gold motivates them. They like the feeling, the comfort. It's part of their DNA. Now will you please take a look around. I'm not happy we're here, but you should see it while we are. We might be gone at any moment."
Jen's eyes drifted from mine, and even in the gloom I saw her pupils dilate until her eyes were black saucers of wonder. Her mouth opened and closed but no words would form. She traced the pillars up until they were lost to the haze. I'd learned long ago that there were basically clouds up there it was so distant, and the entire interconnected land of the dwarves had micro-climates to rival our own varied world far above.
I was sweating already, the humidity high, as we were much closer to the earth's mantle than humans had any right to be. The dwarves could do what the fuck they wanted, but I much preferred living on the crust rather than beneath it. Humanity was meant to see the stars, to wonder at the marvel of the universe, not grub in the dirt for shiny prizes, the sun never touching their skin.
I shifted my weight to stand, but immediately began to slide so sank back to sit and tried to ease the knots in my shoulders while I watched Jen, bemused by her first impression. She was still yet to say a word.
Finally, she tore her eyes from the wonders around us and locked them on mine. "It's… They… How can such small… Are they clouds?" Jen looked up and we followed a wispy cloud that drifted between the pillars on the breeze caused by the numerous vents that ensured the air was always fresh, if rather stale smelling.
"Yep, sure are. They get rain too. Can't stand the humidity, though. Although, they do have other regions where it's bloody freezing. Ugh, whole place gives me the creeps. It's not natural."
"It's awesome! So big. And they do it all with picks and shovels? Unbelievable."
"They use plenty of explosives, too. And they have these crazy machines that can chew through rocks. Really odd looking. Some of them are absolutely massive. And you have thousands of dwarves running around shouting orders and generally confusing everyone, but somehow they manage to work as teams and carve out these incredible structures. You'd be blown away by the—"
"You mean there's more than this?"
"Oh yeah," I grinned. "This is just a hall. One of hundreds. Maybe thousands. You should see the stuff where they really go to town. It makes your head spin."
"Can we go and look?"
"Jen, that's not a good idea at all. This isn't a place for us. We shouldn't be here. We need to leave. You do not want a gang of angry dwarves chasing after you. It's terrifying."
"But we haven't done anything wrong."
"Doesn't matter. They don't like foreigners. They don't like each other. They think everyone's out to get their gold and they'd rather chop your head off than risk it. So, we need to get out of here."
"How?"
"Good question."
"Does that mean you don't know?"
"It means that we came from right up there," I pointed to the empty space we'd tumbled through, "and that's how we need to get out. Problem being, we aren't dwarves and they don't have ladders long enough. Sure, they have some bloody long ones. This one time, when I was down here and met Shey Redgold, we—"
"Dad, you're changing the subject."
"Oh, sorry. Dwarves have what I guess you'd call an access pass. If they construct a tunnel, which Shey Redgold has, but it's right up at the ceiling of this hall, they can basically come and go from our world to this one. The tunnel does emerge right in our basement, and we certainly fell through it, but it's still not like a normal tunnel. It leads from one realm to another. They can travel as they please if they make such a crossing, but for us it's different."
"So what does this mean for us?" Jen pulled at her bottom lip between her teeth, clearly concerned. "Are we stuck here?"
"No, it means we have to find Shey Redgold so we can figure out how to get right up high near the roof, ceiling, whatever you want to call it, then get him to help us through and back home." I sighed. This was turning out to be one hell of a birthday celebration.
"And you have your note, and you're days behind," she said sadly.
"Don't worry about that," I told her with a broad grin. "When has your dear dad ever let the buggers beat him?"
"You're so brave." Jen scooted over and kissed my cheek.
I nodded to her. Last thing I felt right now was brave, but my little girl didn't need to know that.
My neck tingled. I switched to high-alert mode as a familiar heightening of awareness enveloped me. With my finger to my lips to warn Jen to be silent, she nodded as we scanned the floor below us. My ears picked up the scrape of metal on stone long before I saw anything, and then, out of the murk, emerged a diminutive figure trailing his axe behind him. Sparks flew from the dwarven steel as it was sharpened the same way many a dwarf had honed his weapons and tools since the floor was first laid. If you looked closely, you could read the history of their existence in the criss-crossing patterns of endless such scrapings meandering off in all directions.
"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to count me gold I go," sang a voice so out of tune I wasn't sure if it was ironic.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," I grumbled.
It was Shey Redgold, and he was in a good mood.
Nothing worse than a happy dwarf.
HOME, PLEASE
"Are you seriously singing that song?" I shouted down at the uncharacteristically jolly dwarf.
"Who said that?" growled Shey Redgold as he hefted his axe and turned in a circle. His chain mail tinkled and his bushy eyebrows almost met in the middle as he frowned.
"Up here," giggled Jen, clearly having overcome her concerns and enjoying herself immensely.
The idiot below put a hand to shield his eyes and nearly decapitated himself in the process. "Oh, it's you. And what you doin' 'ere? This is dwarf property, not for you 'umans. It ain't right and proper. Go on, shoo."
"Shey Redgold, drop the attitude right now," I snapped. "We didn't want to come. You were making a racket so we came to see what was happening and fell through a bloody hole in the floor. In my basement, I might add."
"Our basement," he hollered, then put a hand to his mouth and looked around, about as shifty as I'd ever seen him.
"Fair enough. What are you up to? You're doing something you shouldn't be, aren't you?"
He squared his shoulders, big belly protruding, and swept his long hair behind his back as he glared at me and said, "No I ain't. I'm just doin' dwarf business. And thanks for the map," he said, voice laden with sarcasm. "Took me bleedin' ages to find the place and then I had to do all the excavations and put the beams in. Right bugger of a job it was. It's still not enough room for me gold, but I s'pose it'll have to do. Oh, hey Jen. Is Neighbors back on yet?"
"Hi." Jen waved, then giggled. "No, they don't show it anymore. And we have the blackouts for a week a month anyway."
"Shame," said our gold-loving basement freak, sounding wistful.
"So, what are you up to?" I asked. I took Jen's hand then we slowly slid down the hoard, much to Shey Redgold's horror.
He hurried over and by the time we touched the ground he was coated in a sheen of stress sweat and flapping about not knowing what to say first. "Respect me gold. You can't go slidin' on it. It's not for playin' on."
"We landed on it. What were we supposed to do?"
"Not go snoopin' about in me basement. That's a private tunnel, not for the likes of you two. No offense, Jen."
"None taken. But how do you make the tunnel? Dad says it's right up at the ceiling above the clouds. Is that true?"
Shey Redgold turned to me and asked, "Is she alright? Had a bump to the head or summit? Don't you teach her nothin'?"
"I teach her plenty. And there are more important things she has to learn than what idiot dwarves get up to when they should know better. And whose gold is this? Who'd you get it from?"
"It's mine, innit. All mine." A nervous laugh burst from his mouth hidden by the thick beard and he stifled it by stuffing a meaty fist through the brittle hair.
"Liar!" I pointed a finger at him. "You already moved in. You should have closed up the tunnel but you couldn't help yourself, could you?"
With several steps back, he held up his hands in protest and blurted, "I hadn't finished the move. And I had to do it alone, no thanks to you lot. I came back for the last load, and I, er, well, I opened up an old shaft as I figured it might be a shortcut, and I got the motherlode. Can't leave it for some other bugger, so I figured I'd best look after it. But we gotta move fast now. The others can sniff out a hoard like this the other side of the mountains, so enough chit-chat."
"You didn't seem in much of a hurry," I noted.
"I, er, I was just thinkin' 'bout all this back home. Imagine sortin' it all. I can't wait."
Jen and I shook our heads in wonder at the absurdity of what turned a dwarf on. An endless cycle of counting, recounting, sorting, and re-sorting. What an utter waste of time. "Idiot," I muttered.
"Oi, you got no idea, Soph. Don't start belittlin' me. It ain't right. I'm a dwarf. It's in me bones. Gold." Shey Redgold reached out and stroked the mini mountain of gold he'd claimed as his own. He sighed as his whole body relaxed like he could dive in and sleep inside for eternity.
"I know exactly how you feel. We both felt it as we sank into it. It was amazing, and dreamy, and so very wrong."
"You were lazin' on it?" he asked, aghast. Without conscious thought, he swung his axe in front of him, as though ready to exact revenge.
"We were," I chuckled. "Damn comfy. You should have said."
"That's me gold. Mine! It's not a bed! Jen, tell me you didn't, you know, mess with it. You didn't topple a tower, did you?" he asked in a panic.
"No, nothing like that. We just lay down and felt all dreamy, then we fell through. Um, I have to say, I think I should be freaking out by now, but I'm not."
"That's because you're in my home world," said Shey Redgold proudly. "All the gold will keep you safe. It calms the nerves. Keeps you sane."
"That's up for debate," I mumbled.
"I heard that." Shey took a step forward, angry.
"I know you did. And back off. Last thing we need is an argument. We need to leave."
"What's the hurry?" asked Jen. "Apart from your note. Sorry, you must be stressed."
"No, utterly relaxed, and that's the issue. Like you said, you should be petrified, and I should be a bag of nerves. But we're relaxed, and that means we could end up spending days down here. We don't have days, even hours. Things are already screwed up enough. And besides," I turned to the antsy dwarf who shrank under my dark gaze, "this pint-sized twat has nicked someone's gold and now they're after him. Am I right?"
A mumble came from under the face mat.
"What did he say?" asked Jen, craning forward.
"That he's a thief. A dirty thief."
"Did not. Just said there might be a certain somethin' who wants some of this gold. But like I said, it's finders keepers. But you're right, best we be gettin' a move on."
"You said certain something," I accused. "Not someone. Exactly who, or what, wants this gold?"
"I told you, it's mostly mine anyway. Just a few extra trinkets I found."
"Found, with added air quotes," I grumbled, knowing he wouldn't understand. "So, let me recap, just so we all know what the deal is. You nicked a load of gold from some otherworldly beastie, and it's either already after you, or will be any moment now. Am I right?"
"It already knows, but I lost it ages ago. That's what the noise was. I had to get creative, so I shored up the route out but collapsed the tunnel I found the hoard in. He won't be causin' us no bother."
"What kind of creature is it?" asked Jen, no longer looking so relaxed.
Shey Redgold shrugged. "There's loads of different ones deep down in the earth. Been around for millions of years some of 'em. Big buggers too, all teeth and sharp claws and swishy tails. Ugh, gives me the heebie jeebies just thinkin' 'bout 'em."
"Yes, thank you for that," I said, putting my arm around Jen to reassure her.
"Let's get goin' then," said Shey Redgold merrily, then began to whistle as he walked towards one of the thick pillars bigger than an American Redwood and just as impressive.
Jen and I shrugged to each other then dutifully followed the whistling dwarf as he dragged his axe along behind him. Bone Slicer sang from his holster, keening for a taste of the dwarven floor. As I slid him free, the elven runes activated and crisp white light highlighted the thousands upon thousands of gouges in the ancient smooth bedrock. I crouched and slid him carefully on both edges of the blade and he practically sighed with joy.
