Mine, page 8
‘You should go,’ she said, brokenly.
I nodded, aching heavily now.
‘Go, Neo…otherwise I can’t…can’t control…’
I saw her desire, her need and backed off, reaching for the door handle. I left the car, unable to speak, unable to even say goodbye. She gunned the engine and was gone, leaving me aroused and frustrated, staring after her retreating car. Sighing, I turned, heading into the apartment. My heart was racing and aching at the same time. Three days without her? It felt like a lifetime.
When I got back into my crowded and messy apartment, it almost felt like life was back to normal. The usual arguments, shouting and general human presence in here relaxed me a little. It was a brief respite from the confusion in my head.
I slept, chilled and played guitar for a few hours and then received a message from Perry asking if I was available for a band rehearsal later that afternoon and a meeting after that. I quickly accepted, wanting the distraction of being busy.
I messed around for a while before slinging my guitar over my back and heading into meet everyone. I knew Aska wouldn’t be here, but I supposed that was good for now.
Most of the others were there when I arrived and I greeted them warmly, and they responded like old friends, slapping me on the back and drawing me straight in to their conversations and humour. It felt good, I felt like I belonged. It was a strange feeling, but I found myself secretly liking it.
‘Good afternoon, everyone,’ Perry, the manager, greeted us as she came in.
We’d been playing for a good few hours now so she was a welcome distraction.
‘Hi,’ I said, smiling at her.
She carried a bag with her, and she smiled at us all. ‘I bring a gift for all of you, in preparation for the tour,’ she told us.
I glanced at the others, who looked as baffled as I did.
She began by walking over to Jairo and handed him a small white case-the latest iPhone available inside. She then went to Evan, me and the dancers, giving us all one of the cases. I gaped at it stunned, knowing how much they cost and amazed at the generosity of the gift.
‘You’ll all need to be contactable on these at all times during the tour. You must keep them on you. My number and Aska’s are already programmed into them so set them up and start using them. We plan on being very visible on social media during her tour so set up a twitter account too so fans can feel your presence as part of her,’ she instructed. ‘Neo, when you’re done here, swing by the reception and they’ll show you to office I’m working in today. I have your contract to sign, okay?’
I nodded, dumbfounded. Watching her speak to Jairo briefly, I didn’t say anything until she left us all to it.
‘Fucking hell!’ Evan was the first to comment. ‘I bet Aska’s behind this!’ she chuckled.
My eyes flew to hers. It was the exact same thought I had had when she had gifted them to us. She knew my phone was battered and old and maybe her was her way of making sure I didn’t refuse the gift? The thought was incredible, that she would do her for all of us in order to do something for me. ‘Yeah, amazing,’ I commented, instead of the wealth of emotion I was experiencing.
‘Let’s all message Aska,’ Jairo suggested, ‘see if she did this.’
‘I’m going to send her loads of spam while she’s in her interviews,’ Evan laughed. ‘See if I can distract her.’
We all laughed and started playing with our new toys.
Once I had figured out the phone, the others started to dissipate. I shoved it in my pocket, packed my guitar away and headed to reception. After getting directions to the office where Perry was, I headed that way, ready to sign up to the tour. I had no reservations, despite the fact that I probably should be reconsidering whether this was actually a good idea.
I knocked and was immediately told to come in. I opened the door and walked in, smiling at her from across the desk.
‘Hi Neo,’ she smiled.
‘Hi,’ I replied, a little shyly.
‘How are you doing today? You all good?’ she asked.
I nodded, swallowing a little. For some reason, she made me a little nervous. ‘I’m fine…fine.’
‘Good. Well, I wanted to call you in as I haven’t had time to go through everything with you. Having spoken to Aska, I thought it sensible to talk with you one on one before we sign everything and make arrangements.’
I nodded, wondering where this was heading. ‘Okay…’
‘Aska told me you’re a lone,’ she said, eyeing me intently.
I nodded. ‘That’s right.’
‘With no intention of joining our pack?’ she questioned.
I shook my head.
‘You realise that makes things difficult for us…touring…’ she said, speaking slowly, as if to make sure I understood.
‘I get that,’ I said, ‘but I’ve spoken about it with Aska. She said she still wants me on the tour.’
‘I know she does. We’ve been over it many times,’ she said, quietly. ‘I just want you to understand that you are very, very welcome-at any time-to change your mind. We would like you to change your mind. We really would,’ she told me, intensely.
I felt small under the weight of her gaze. She was a very serious woman, and she seemed to set her mind to something, and I guessed got it much of the time. ‘I, uh…thanks? I guess…’ I murmured.
‘Okay…well, just so you know that,’ she said, softly. ‘Moving on…Aska tells me you have protected yourself successfully against unwanted attention?’
I nodded. ‘I use this necklace. It keeps them away. It smells bad,’ I said simply.
‘I know. It really does. I find it difficult to scent you with that masking it,’ she told me honestly. ‘If anything changes, and you receive any unwanted attention, you are to tell us. We will protect you.’
‘Like a pack does?’ I asked.
‘No, like a tour family…unless you change your mind and accept us as we wish you to.’
I swallowed hard. My emotions seemed to be turbulent right now. ‘I…okay,’ I replied.
‘I have your contract here too, Neo. It covers the next year, your pay, the terms and conditions and the details of the tour itself. You can read it now and sign or take it away to read and return it back to me. I have a copy for you to take away too.’
I nodded. ‘Can I read it now?’ I asked.
‘Yes, that’s fine,’ she said, handing it across.
I spent the next ten minutes or so reading through the contract. It all seemed perfectly within reason to me, and I signed after a short while. Perry then went through my pay and asked me to fill out the details of my bank so she could set me up with an advance before the tour began.
‘Does everyone get the advance?’ I asked, lifting my eyes from where I was writing.
She paused before answering. ‘Yes, same situation across the board.’
I wasn’t sure why, but I thought she might be lying. ‘Perry, I don’t need a handout. Is this about Aska trying to help me again?’ I asked. ‘I know what she’s doing…the guitar, the phone and now this. Is this her trying to help me financially?’
She sighed. ‘In all honesty, probably yes…but everyone’s getting similar. She likes to gift people presents all the time. Everyone who she cares about knows she is incredibly generous and it’s just a sign of that. You have to have the phone, Neo, because everyone needs to be contactable, and the advance is just something which should help you become tour ready. New clothes, a range of guitars and also everything else that you need to be able to travel the world…you’re going to need it, so it’ll be in your bank account in three working days.’
I swallowed hard. ‘Wow.’
‘The rest is paid monthly and then a bonus is possible at the end if it’s a successful tour.’
I nodded, blown away by it all.
‘Any other questions you want to know about?’ she asked.
‘I, uh…dates of rehearsals and tour dates?’ I asked.
‘Yes, here’s a printout of everything we need you for. Life’s about to get busy, Neo. Buy yourself a diary or get it all programmed into your new phone so that you can keep track of when you’re needed and where.’
I nodded, eyes flicking down the extensive list of dates. ‘This is so exciting,’ I murmured.
‘It is…are you ready for a lot of hard work, Neo?’
‘I am,’ I smiled. ‘More than ready.’
I left soon after and headed home. Back at the apartment, my roommates were getting ready for a night out-one which I refused to join due to how hectic my past few days had been. Instead, I revelled in the fact that I would be able to stay home alone that evening.
Once they had all left, I got the phone out of its packaging and turned it all on. The smart phone was a million miles away from the broken little flip phone which I had become accustomed to using regularly.
Flipping straight to the contacts, I saw that here were two names keyed in. Aska and Perry. I immediately tapped a quick message to Aska.
‘Thanks for the phone x’ I wrote and sent it over to her.
I began flicking through the other apps and features when a message came back from Aska very quickly. ‘Glad you like it. Good day? X’
I typed back. ‘I went and rehearsed with the band and met with Perry. Something tells me you’re trying to give me more than I deserve. Massive advance??’ I wrote and tapped send.
‘You deserve it,’ she replied. ‘More than most.’
I sighed, looking down at her message. ‘How was your day?’ I sent next.
‘Long. Tiring. Fine,’ she replied. ‘I missed you though.’
I stared at the words and knew without a doubt that I felt exactly the same way. It had been hard not being around her today. Part of me ached inside for her and it made me feel low and down. ‘I missed you too,’ I typed, deliberating for a moment before hitting send.
‘Two days,’ she tapped back.
‘Not long,’ I wrote, almost to reassure myself.
‘You like the phone?’
‘I love the phone,’ I replied. ‘It’s amazing.’
‘Will you stay in touch more regularly when I’m away?’ she asked.
‘Of course,’ I replied.
‘Call and talk sometimes so I can hear your voice?’
‘Yes, no problem,’ I sent back. ‘What are you going to do tonight?’ I asked then, wondering where she was and what she was doing.
‘I’ve got a dinner soon with some executives. I’d rather stay in and relax in the hotel, but I’ve got to go to it.’
‘I hope it goes okay,’ I sent back. ‘I should let you go.’
‘You really shouldn’t,’ she typed back, and then sent a smiley face. ‘Have a good evening, Neo,’ she replied, to end the conversation.
‘Night, Aska,’ I sent and then set the phone aside. I stood and paced, unsure of what to do next. I had no-one to talk to, nothing I needed to do and felt at a complete loose end. I wandered to the kitchen and considered cooking something, but my stomach felt raw, so I didn’t bother. I considered shifting and going for a run in the woods but decided I couldn’t be bothered so stayed where I was. I lounged on the sofa, feeling sorry for myself. I slept off and on and paced when I couldn’t sleep. When I was awake, my mind was focused on one, singular thing…Aska.
The second day in which Aska was gone was worse than the first. The achy, raw feeling in my stomach intensified and all I could stomach was a little coffee. I headed to another rehearsal and went through the motions, despite feeling very downhearted. At lunchtime, I refused to eat anything and just drank another coffee as my stomach was hurting and my whole chest felt tight. I went through the motions all afternoon and by the time I was done, I had a banging headache and my body felt fluttery and shaky from too much coffee.
‘You alright, Neo?’ Frankie asked, laying a hand on my shoulder as I lifted my guitar to leave.
‘I…yeah…fine,’ I told her.
‘You sure? You look exhausted,’ she commented.
‘I just…well, I didn’t sleep much last night.’
‘Oh. Everything okay?’
I shrugged. ‘Yeah fine. I just suffer from insomnia. It was worse last night for some reason.’
She frowned at me for a moment, almost deliberating before speaking. ‘You know-she’s back tomorrow…’
‘I know!’ I said, a little more loudly than required. ‘It’s nothing to do with that!’ I objected.
‘Neo-we all struggle a little when she’s not here. It’s how we function…it’s normal.’
‘It’s not that,’ I said, through gritted teeth and turned to leave. Stomping out of the auditorium, I felt angry and frustrated.
That night, I couldn’t sleep again. Aska hadn’t messaged me at all, and I felt angry, tired and depressed. My body shook with tension and stress, and I couldn’t seem to settle myself no matter what I did. By morning, I felt strung out completely and with a rehearsal time of 10am looming, I still hadn’t slept.
Heading into the practice room, I grimaced at the smiling faces all around me. My body felt hot and clammy, uncomfortable as I put down my instrument. Everyone greeted me warmly, and I couldn’t even raise a smile. My eyes stung with the effort of keeping them open and awake, my stomach rolled with nausea and the ache in my chest was heavy and constant. I felt like I was ready to drop, but I had a job to do.
I went through the motions, playing the songs we were working on repeatedly until they were perfect. By lunchtime, I was shaking internally, holding it together by a thread. As everyone returned from lunch, I lifted my head from where I sat by my amp and tried to quell the growing queasiness in my stomach. It was no good though, and when I stood up, the whole world rocked, and I fell. As the ground swallowed me up, all I saw was blackness behind my closed eyes. Voices sounded muffled, as if they were millions of miles away. I struggled to open up my eyes and respond to them. Moaning in pain, I tried to block them out and sleep. I needed rest, needed to stay unconscious. I was shifted and moved, and I was vaguely aware of lying on my side while activity went on all around me. I lost all sense of space and time and gave in to my exhaustion.
‘Neo?’ her voice called.
I found myself responding, trying to open my eyes.
‘Neo…wake up,’ she ordered.
I tried to open my eyes but moaned instead.
‘Neo,’ she said once more, trying to get me awake.
Strong arms lifted me and walked somewhere. Then gently, I was laid on what felt like a comfy, soft bed. My eyes flickered open slowly, as I saw a blurred figure before me.
‘Neo?’
I blinked.
‘Come on…come back to me,’ she encouraged.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was in Aska’s room, in Aska’s bed. The last thing I could remember was being at rehearsal, so I was immediately confused. ‘I…what?’ I managed, before the presence of the woman in front of me overwhelmed me and I sat up, throwing myself into her arms and holding her tightly against me.
‘Whoa!’ Aska managed, surprised.
I held her, breathing in her scent, feeling it calm me, feeling it heal me.
‘Is this what you need, baby?’ she asked, holding me closer and wrapping her arms around me tighter.
I nodded against her shoulder, close to desperation with the need for her proximity. I closed my eyes, hands fisted in the back of her shirt as I hold her tightly against me. I didn’t move for what felt like eons. I couldn’t.
Eventually, Aska eased me back, lying me down so that she could lie beside me and be more comfortable. She adjusted us so that we lay facing each other, still cuddled close and still tightly pressed together. One hand ran down my back, in soft, soothing motions. I whined in pleasure, my wolf close to the surface. The only other sounds in the room were the distant rumbling noises my stomach was making, as it turned over and over.
‘When did you last eat?’ Aska asked, eventually.
I shrugged, keeping my eyes closed.
‘Are you hungry?’ she asked.
I nodded into her shoulder. ‘Yeah…’
‘You collapsed, Neo. Why did you let yourself get to that stage?’ she questioned, her voice low, the edge of protectiveness fierce in her tone.
‘I wasn’t thinking straight,’ I managed, quietly. ‘I don’t know why…’
‘You collapsed,’ she repeated.
I swallowed hard. ‘How am I here?’ I asked, not remembering.
‘Jairo called me when I was on my way back. She told me you’d collapsed at rehearsal, and you needed me. I came to get you and brought you back here.’
‘How long have I been out?’ I wondered.
‘A few hours. You’ve slept fretfully for a while, moaning and whining. Your wolf is calling me. Are you strong enough to shift?’ she asked. ‘She needs me…’
I shook my head vehemently against her chest. ‘No,’ I said, refusing.
‘No, you’re too weak or no, you just won’t?’ she questioned.
‘Don’t want to,’ I muttered, grasping her closer.
‘You want me like this?’ she asked softly, understanding laced in her tone.
I said nothing and couldn’t tell her just how much I needed everything about her in that moment.
Aska let it go and let me hold her. I felt my breathing calming and I nuzzled against her shoulder, drinking in her heady scent which made me feel better. I lost time as she let me caress her back, sides and chest. I couldn’t help it and let go and took what I needed. I was lost in sensation as she released a shaky breath and pulled back from me, bending then to kiss me gently.
She peppered soft, delicate kisses all over my face, neck and down my chest. I moaned and writhed beneath her, loving her attention and aching for more. When her mouth returned to mine, I deliberately deepened the kiss, opening my mouth to her and letting my tongue find hers. She moaned at the contact and responded to me passionately. I couldn’t help running my hands down her back, pulling her closer and loving the feeling of her pressing against me.
Her mouth explored and wandered, making me gasp and pant with pleasure. She felt so incredibly wonderful kissing me that I never wanted it to stop. I felt intoxicated by her scent and couldn’t do anything but respond as she kissed me into oblivion.
