Alone & Lonely, page 22
The running water in the bathroom surprised her. Amya had barely said two words to her on the drive home, and Grace had been left to her own devices and thoughts while she debated what to say and do next. She had to tell Amya everything that had happened—that much she knew. But where the fuck was she supposed to start?
“Come on,” Amya’s tone was soft and sweet. Her fingers were damp as she pulled on the zipper of Grace’s jacket.
Groaning as she shifted, Grace allowed Amya to help her pull her jacket off and watched as she hung it up by the door. “I still think you look damn sexy in that.”
Amya’s cheeks were flushed when she turned around. “Same to you, love. But I missed out on seeing you in it today.”
Grace hummed. “Yeah. Don’t remind me.”
Amya gave her a pitying look. “Up. You need to rest and ease your muscles otherwise you’re really going to hurt tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Grace gripped the arms of the chair, debating if she could get up without help or not. She wanted to, and she knew ultimately she could. The answer remained solely in how much it was going to hurt. “I’m too old for this bullshit.”
Chuckling, Amya came closer. “Up you go.”
Grace stood, thankfully on her own, but her head spun from the sharp pains in her chest and in her head.
“I sent Peter to get your pain meds, so he should be out of our hair for at least a little while.”
Grace stilled. “You trusted an addict to get narcotics?”
Amya nodded. “In this case, yes. I’ll count the pills, don’t worry, but I don’t think he’ll do anything that stupid.”
“You’re giving him his addiction.”
“I’m not about to leave you.”
“We could have gone on the way home.”
Amya clicked her tongue. “You can barely walk now, and you wanted to make another stop on the way home. Come on.”
They made it down the hall to the single bathroom in the house. Amya shut the door and thankfully helped Grace pull her T-shirt and bra off because Grace wasn’t sure how she was going to accomplish that one. Naked, finally, Amya had Grace hold on to her arm while Grace stepped into the hot water for the bath and slowly sat down and rested back.
“Tell me honestly because I haven’t looked,” Grace started. “How bad is it?”
“You look like you were in a full out brawl, Grace.” Amya gathered up her clothes. “I’m going to stick these in the wash.”
Sighing and closing her eyes, Grace let the heat of the water do its magic. She needed it more than she’d originally thought. When Amya returned and sat on the closed toilet seat, Grace relaxed even more.
“I’m sorry that’s what you found.”
“Don’t be,” Amya muttered. “I’m glad I did walk in on it, honestly. You two would have beaten each other to pulps.”
“I was winning,” Grace mumbled.
“You have ten years on Paige. Don’t think you weren’t also getting a good whipping in there.”
“She’s spry for being old.”
Amya snorted. “She’s in shape still.”
“The ass.”
Shaking her head, Amya crossed her legs. “Why didn’t you tell me, Grace?”
“Tell you what?” Grace snapped her head around to look up at Amya, lost as to what she’d missed in the question.
Amya sighed. “That you didn’t know what to do?”
“Oh.” Grace’s cheeks heated. She didn’t realize it was that obvious. She was the master at ignoring problems until she couldn’t anymore. But even she had to admit that she’d ignored the problem with Paige far longer than she should have. Maybe then she could have avoided Esparza. Deflated, Grace moved the water over her chest to keep the majority of her body warm.
“Grace?”
She didn’t want to answer. Amya was right. She hadn’t a clue what she should do to rectify the situation, and every time she had attempted something, it hadn’t worked. She’d run out of ideas and buried her head in the sand as best as she could.
“What was I supposed to say?”
“I need help, Amya? I don’t know what to do, Amya? Literally anything.”
Grace whimpered. “I just…I’m not good at these things. You know that.”
Amya sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead. “I know you’re not. But I wish you’d start trusting that I’m here for you already.”
“I know you’re here for me. Always.” Grace watched Amya carefully. “Look at me.”
It seemed like forever before Amya raised her gaze.
“I love you. I trust you.”
“Trust me with this stuff, please. I’m here for you, Grace.”
“Okay.” Grace shifted in the bath, water sloshing against the tub. “It’s been getting bad lately, and I don’t know how to tell her now. I mean, she threatened disciplinary action if I didn’t work OT yesterday or come in today. I don’t want that on my record.”
“But you want hitting your superior officer on it?”
Grace scrunched her nose and covered her face with her hands. “That was a reflex.”
“One that can get you into more trouble than walking out on overtime that isn’t mandated.”
“She said it was.”
“Grace…think about it.”
“I have thought about it.” Grace pouted. “What would you have done?”
“I’m not answering that. We’re two different people, so we would have made entirely different choices.”
“Don’t cop out on this one, Amya.” Grace drew in a deep breath, glad to see she could without so much pain, though the drugs Peter was going to bring were going to put an even bigger dent in that. She still wanted to be awake to finish this conversation before the narcotics knocked her on her ass.
“Grace…” Amya had whine in her tone.
“Tell me. What would you have done?”
“I would have stopped it a year ago.”
Grace knew Amya was right. She should have put a complete end to all this a year ago, but she wasn’t sure Paige would have stopped. It hadn’t gotten really bad until Paige had been put in charge of the unit. That really set everything off. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” Amya asked. “None of this is your fault.”
“Fighting is.”
Amya shrugged. “I think that can be forgiven.”
“I don’t want to put you second.” Grace’s voice was so soft when she said it, she wasn’t sure Amya had heard her, but she wasn’t going to repeat herself. She couldn’t. Saying it again would be too much.
“I know,” Amya whispered. “But that doesn’t mean I feel like I’m first.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Grace broke. The tears she’d managed to keep at bay for weeks flowed down her cheeks. “I need you.”
“Grace.” The word broke on her lips. Amya slipped onto the floor and cupped Grace’s cheek, turning her so they faced each other. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Their mouths touched in a light kiss that was one of the deepest most connecting embraces Grace had ever experienced. Amya kissed her again, and Grace winced from pain. She pulled away, a smirk on her lips. “As much as I love kissing you, Amya, it hurts right now.”
“Shut up,” Amya muttered and moved back in, though she was far gentler that time. They stayed together until the knock on the door interrupted them.
“Yo! I got the meds.”
“I’ll be right out,” Amya stated. She kissed Grace again and stood up, barely opening the door as she slid out.
Grace could hear them talking through the door, but she closed her eyes and brushed the tears off her face. At least she had one thing going for her. Amya would always be there. She needed to trust that more and utilize the support she had already built in around her.
Amya came back with a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. She handed them over to Grace and told her to drink up. Grace complied, finishing the water since she knew she was going to need it.
“I put the rest in the safe.”
“Good thinking,” Grace grumbled. “I’m going to need your help to get out of this thing.”
Amya let out a light laugh. “I figured. But hopefully it helped.”
“It did.” Grace held her hands up in a silent ask.
Amya slipped her arms under Grace’s and lifted. Together they got her so she was standing, and Grace used the wall to keep herself steady until she was on the tiled floor. Amya wrapped a towel around her, but not before she eyed the growing bruises on Grace’s body. She was going to be aching for days no doubt.
Once she was in her room and dressed in pajamas she rarely wore, Grace propped herself up on the bed and pulled the blankets over her legs. Amya settled her eReader next to her on the nightstand but touched the top of Grace’s hand when she went to reach for it.
“Peter wants to talk to you.”
“About what?” Grace looked up.
“I think he wants to make sure you’re all right, but he says it’s about the spring.”
“Okay. Send him in.” Seconds later, Peter walked in, worry all over his face. Grace patted the mattress in an invitation. “What’s up, kid?”
“You okay?”
“I’ll be fine. Just scuffed up. Not even the worst injury I’ve had.”
“What happened?”
Grace sucked in a breath. She had a choice to make, either spill all or be vague. Vague seemed like the better option in the moment until she and Amya could get their stories straight. “I got in an altercation at the station.”
“With a suspect?”
“You know, it doesn’t really matter. What about you? What’s this I’m hearing about spring?”
“I’m going back to school.”
“Think that’s wise?”
Peter nodded his head. “I do. I already quit my job.”
“Two whole months early I hear,” Grace slid the admonition in there when she could.
“I guess.”
“Why did you really quit?”
“I’m going back after Christmas.”
Grace’s heart clenched sharply. “Why?”
“I want to get settled and find a new job out there.”
“Peter…” Grace grabbed his hand. She so rarely called him by his name to his face that he looked surprised when they locked gazes. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
“All right then. We’ll support it.”
“Thanks!” Peter moved in, his arms wrapping around Grace’s shoulders in a hug.
She held back the groan of pain and hugged him back as best as she could. When he moved away, Grace sighed in relief.
“Are you going to work like that?”
“Not tomorrow.” Grace grinned. “Mandated day off. I’ll be back Monday.”
“That’s all you can take?”
“I’ve got a big case right now, kid. I need to focus on it. Trust me, I’m not going to be chasing any random suspects any time soon.”
“You better not. And maybe, boss, you might want to start working out again.”
“Ouch!” Grace pressed a hand over her heart. “Wound me while I’m down why don’t you.”
Peter snickered as he stood up to leave the room. “You’re too easy sometimes.”
Grace smiled, although it wasn’t genuine. She wished that were the case. Most times she figured she was so complicated and cut off emotionally that most of the world didn’t want to deal with her—Amya being the exception to that rule. Somehow.
With Peter gone, Grace grabbed her eReader and started in on one of the many books she had in her to-read pile. She’d sorely neglected this hobby as well. She made it half a chapter in before the pain medicine took control of her body and she could barely keep her eyes open. Giving up, she scooted down as best as she could in the bed and fell asleep easily for the first time in months.
Manic Monday
Grace got to Johnson County just before eight in the morning. Amya had insisted she rest all day Sunday, which had probably been a wise decision. It was rough getting going that morning, but as soon as she was moving, it was easier and not quite as painful, although Grace figured she’d be stiff from the hour drive.
Walking into the station where Blake’s unit was, Grace tried to keep her head down. She didn’t need comments or looks where it concerned her appearance. Amya had tried to put some makeup on her that morning, but Grace had refused. It was in some ways an honor for her to wear her injuries so blatantly.
Still, she probably shouldn’t have gotten into a fist fight with her supervisor. But at least it had been worth it. She had no regrets. Blake sat hunched over her desk, her short dark hair styled perfectly like it usually was. Grace grinned momentarily before she remembered it hurt to do that.
“Miller!” Grace shouted.
Blake spun in her chair, her eyes wide. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“I’ll explain it later.”
“You get into a fight?” Blake pushed.
“In the car,” Grace muttered, not wanting to spill everything that had happened in just a public place. “Come on, I want to finish out this case.”
Blake grabbed her jacket and gun, checking in with her supervisor before they traipsed out to the parking lot. Blake’s cruiser was chilled compared to Grace’s, but Grace wanted the ability to move around so she opted to let Blake drive.
“It’s about thirty minutes out,” Blake commented as she pulled out of the parking lot.
“I’m going to be pissed if he’s not there.”
“Agreed. You going to tell me what the fuck happened to your face? You and Amya go at it?”
Grace snorted. “Paige.”
“What?” Blake’s eyes went wide and her grip on the steering wheel. “Paige hit you?”
“To be fair, I decked her first.” Sweet satisfaction settled in Grace’s belly. “She kissed me. I decked her. It degraded from there. I broke her nose.”
“You didn’t!”
“I did. She deserved it.”
“Sounds like it.” Silence fell over the cruiser, the excitement of the moment and story gone. Blake sighed. “You get a disciplinary?”
“Not yet. And I was allowed back today so long as my ribs weren’t broken.”
“Your ribs?”
Grace grimaced and shifted her gaze to Blake. They made eye contact. “I told you it got worse. Amya broke us up.”
“Amya was there?”
Shaking her head, Grace relaxed. “No, not at first, only when we were fighting. IAB is investigating because of the harassment.”
“IAB?”
Grace shrugged. “Don’t ask.”
“You sure you want to take it that far up, Halling?”
Sending Blake a sharp look, Grace shook her head. “No.”
“All right, then.”
They made it out to Deep Breathings Retreat Center in decent time. The building was simple wood with wide glass walls along the front. That’d be a bitch to clean, no doubt. Grace got out of the car, ignoring the ache in her legs and chest and arms as she moved. She was just going to have to live with that for a while.
Blake went to the front door, Grace following a step behind. She was gladly going to let Blake take the lead for this part, but as soon as they found out that Leon Gross was there, she was going to step in. The door opened, revealing a short, fit woman in her mid-fifties easily.
“Ma’am, I’m Detective Blake Miller, and this is Detective Grace Halling. We’re trying to locate an individual whom we believe is staying at this retreat center.”
The woman shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”
“Ma’am.” Blake dropped her tone and used her voice to put the woman at ease. “This person hasn’t done anything wrong, but his family and friends are very worried about him, and we want to make sure he’s here and all right so he can contact them.”
Her lips parted. Grace saw her resolve waver. She stepped to the side and opened the door. Blake walked in first, followed closely behind Grace. The main foyer was sparse, a couch, a few chairs, some art easels and drawing supplies as well as a grand piano. The woods were natural and well preserved.
“It’s beautiful here,” Grace mumbled.
“Thank you,” the woman answered. “I’m Amber Kidd, by the way. I’m the owner of this facility.”
Somehow they’d managed to find just the person they needed. They stopped in the center of the room, Amber looking at each of them. “Who are you looking for?”
“Leon Gross,” Grace provided.
Amber nodded and stepped backward toward another door. Blake shot Grace a suspicious look, and they followed her down a hallway to a back sunroom. Leon sat on the floor on a carpet since there was no furniture in the room. His legs were crossed, his hands on his knees, and his eyes closed.
Grace’s heart thumped. She knew it. She’d followed his trail here, and although it had taken her far longer than she expected, she’d found him. She shot Blake a look to confirm that this was their guy. Amber put a hand up before Grace could step ward.
“He’s meditating.”
“Yes, and I need to speak with him.”
Amber stepped between them. “Let him finish.”
“And how long will that take?”
“His meditation is done when it is done.”
“I don’t have time for that.” Grace moved around her and walked as quietly as she could, the hush in the room nerving. She touched Leon’s shoulder to get his attention, but he didn’t move. “Leon.”
He still didn’t budge.
“Leon Gross,” she said more firmly. He finally shifted, his neck straining to look up at her. Flashing her badge, Grace wrinkled her nose at the floor, really not wanting to sit down on it. “I’m Detective Grace Halling from Missing Persons. I’ve been looking for you.”
Leon tilted his chin up toward her and waved his hand out on the floor in an invitation to sit. Grace tossed a look over her shoulder at Blake, sharing her discomfort at the idea. Giving in, Grace moved carefully to sit cross-legged on the floor next to the still silent man.
