Restrained, page 12
“I’ll take care of it. Get to the house.”
Sir Robert grabbed Matthew’s arm and made for the woods. Matthew caught a glimpse of Jim running for the stables before they broke through the trees and started running through the woods along the same route he had taken earlier that night. It seemed so long ago now, but at least Sir Robert was safe.
Chapter 12
***
ALL ROBERT COULD THINK ABOUT as they ran was getting Matthew to the safety of Hensley House. He tried to force his mind away from the vision of Matthew kneeling naked before the thuggish Balford, his hands on the man’s cock, trying to distract the brute so Jim could get him out of study. Robert knew that was the reason. It was easy to be angry at Sir Hector for sending Matthew to Dixon to protect himself, but to know Matthew had been willing to offer himself to Balford to protect him, and all because Robert hadn’t been clever enough to search Dixon’s desk without getting caught, made him feel like the worst sort of failure. If he’d been better at lying to Murdoc, he could have saved Matthew that particular humiliation at least.
Jim had given him a quick summary of events while he searched for a weapon and Robert tackled the desk. Matthew had taken the risk of escaping, running naked and alone into the dark countryside, and then had come back for him. He squeezed the hand in his gently. Thank God he’d come for the boy. If he’d left someone that willing to be brave on his behalf to Dixon… Robert shuddered.
He felt Matthew’s hand loosen and tightened his grip on it. “Just a little further,” he whispered in case the boy was getting tired.
“I know,” Matthew whispered back, but not in a way that made Robert feel foolish for mentioning it. Matthew must have run this same path to get help for him.
Robert couldn’t help but imagine how it must have seemed to the boy, in the dark, all the things crunching under his boots scraping at Matthew’s unprotected feet and legs. Did Matthew have boots on now? He hadn’t seen him put any on in the hall.
Robert forced his attention back to the moment. It wouldn’t help Matthew escape if he spent all his energy imagining the poor boy’s brave flight through the woods. He had to focus on getting him to Hensley House and safety.
Matthew was silent as they ran through the trees, and Robert started to worry that the boy was angry with him. But Matthew’s hand stayed in Robert’s, which made him hope the boy was simply hoarding his breath for running. The silence made the trip seem longer than Robert would have thought, and he couldn’t help wondering again how Matthew had made it on his own, but they finally reached the end of the trees and the start of Lionel’s property.
“Now what?” Robert asked, more to himself so he was surprised when Matthew answered.
“Sir Lionel said he’d told the servants our carriage had a problem.”
“Then I suppose we can go to the side door and knock. If anyone’s in the kitchen, they’ll hear us.”
Matthew nodded and followed Robert along the side of the house. The kitchen door opened on the first knock by Lionel’s housekeeper.
“Sir Robert, we were expecting you. Sir Lionel said you had a bit of trouble with the carriage.”
Robert felt Matthew behind him, probably trying to hide as much as possible. “That’s right, Mrs. Barton. I didn’t want to bother anyone more than I had to.”
“You’re never any trouble at all, Sir Robert. This must be your cousin. I hope you weren’t hurt too badly, my dear.”
“I-I d-don’t think so,” Matthew stammered.
“Well, Sir Lionel said you were worried, so I put you both in the red suite. That’s the one with the valet’s room. I hope you don’t take it wrong, my dear, but he did say your cousin was worried about you.”
“The... the valet’s room is fine,” Matthew almost whispered.
“I know the way, Mrs. Barton. You needn’t trouble yourself to show us.”
“If you’re certain, Sir Robert. If you need anything, just ring. There’s a bath all set up, and I sent up a bit of tea, but I can have a tray of food ready whenever you want it.” She took a candlestick from the mantel and held it out to them.
“Mrs. Barton, you are a treasure.” Robert took the candle and led Matthew through the kitchen and up to the main floors before Mrs. Barton could ask him anything else.
Robert had stayed in the red suite several times before and had no trouble finding it again. Everything had been made ready for them, from the warm fire in the grate, to the candles lit around the room, to the tray of tea and sandwiches left on the small table by the window. “We should be quite comfortable for the night.”
When Matthew didn’t answer, Robert turned to look at him. In the well-lit room, Robert was able to get his first good look at Matthew. The boy clearly hadn’t slept well. Dark shadows were forming under his eyes. His face and neck were streaked with the sticky remains of the guests he’d pleasured with his hands, drying over the oil beneath. There was what looked like grease from whatever food he’d been given on his chin. Robert had thought he should train the boy to eat as Dixon would order, but he was strangely glad he hadn’t. There were streaks of dirt on his cheeks and clots of it in his hair from Balford. The man purposely kept himself filthy so he could mark the concubines. That detail bothered Robert the most. The rest of it had happened because Matthew was trying to protect his father’s secrets, but that particular humiliation in the hallway with Balford, that had been to protect Robert, to buy him time to escape. There had to be a way to repay him for that. And then he saw Matthew’s shoulder hitch and his head turn away and Robert realized he’d been staring. After the room full of men ogling him, it was the last thing Matthew needed. Robert turned his attention to the rest of the room
The candles had also been lit in the valet’s room, so Robert went to have a look at how it had been prepared. As he crossed the room, he brushed against Matthew who was heading for the drinks tray that had been set out. Robert quickly pulled back. If the lad was sensitive about being looked at, he might not welcome a touch, either. When he saw the way Matthew dropped his gaze, he realized he was probably right and resolved to be more careful. He waited until he saw Matthew get a drink of water then went to the door of the side chamber. That should be safe enough to explore.
A bath had been filled and was still steaming near the fire in the grate. That was what Matthew needed. “There’s a warm bath here, Matthew. I think that will make you feel more yourself.”
“I suppose.”
There was such a strange, brittle note to Matthew’s voice it made Robert turn, but the lad had sat down in one of the low footstools near the fire and was holding a glass of water without really noticing it. Something was bothering him.
Robert felt he had to say something to put him at ease. “There’s a bed there as well. It looks quite comfortable. You can choose which room you’d prefer for the night.”
“Either is fine,” Matthew said without turning.
“Better than what we’d have had at Dixon’s, I suppose.”
Matthew nodded.
Robert went to the drinks tray. Something was wrong. Mathew was holding something back from him. If he could just push through to it, perhaps he could help. Matthew had spoken to him at Dixon’s and on the way to Hensley House, and even back at the townhouse, before he’d really known him. Why the sudden quiet?
Robert poured himself a whiskey and asked the question he found himself reluctant to ask. “Would you like me to take one of the other rooms? I’m sure there would be no problem.”
“Whatever you would prefer.”
The lad was answering as he would have answered at Dixon’s, not expressing any preference. Robert wondered if he should push to get a proper answer then realized the boy was most likely being polite, wanting Robert out of the room so he could have a bit of privacy but too polite to say so. Robert put down the glass and turned, ready to say he’d find Mrs. Barton and ask for another room when he took a proper look at Matthew. The lad’s shoulders were shaking now, and he was folded in on himself. Matthew was crying silently.
Robert crossed to the footstool, fell to his knees, and started to stroke the boy’s back. “It’s all right. What you’ve been through, it’s a lot for anyone. You’ll feel better once the tension eases.”
“I thought I could do it,” he hiccupped. “I really thought I could, but if you hadn’t come...”
Matthew hadn’t pulled away this time, so Robert drew the lad’s head onto his shoulder and continued to stroke his back. “Now, now, it’s all right. You’re safe now.”
“I’m so ashamed that you...”
Of course he’d worry about such things. After he’d been paraded around by Dixon and rubbed Balford off, knowing Robert had been a witness. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m the only one who knows. Trust me. The others there weren’t looking at your face. And I certainly won’t judge you.”
“But I liked it.” He sobbed softly.
Robert almost didn’t believe he’d heard the words. But he knew he had. “Liked what, Matthew?”
Matthew drew back and turned towards the fire, away from Robert. “That’s why I thought it would be all right. When you did it, I liked it. All of it.”
Robert felt his heart twist inside. “There’s nothing shameful in liking a bit of pain with your pleasure.”
“But I asked you because I thought...”
Robert waited for the rest of the sentence, but Matthew had turned away again. “Why did you ask me, Matthew?”
Matthew sighed. “Because I thought I could do anything you asked me to. And then when I did, I found I enjoyed it so much. I thought it would be all right. But it wasn’t. It was you that made it all right.”
Robert stared at the back of Matthew’s head. The boy didn’t know what he was suggesting. “Matthew, you couldn’t... I couldn’t...” Robert wasn’t certain what was wrong with that, only that something was.
“Oh, I know we couldn’t have had anything real, even without Lord Dixon hanging over us. I mean, you have so much, you wouldn’t have time to waste on someone as insignificant as me. But I thought, if I could pretend, maybe I could learn enough to do what had to be done. I never really thought you could care for me as more than a passing kindness to an old friend’s nephew.” As he spoke, Matthew seemed to regain his composure. Robert tried to search his posture for some clue as to how he felt, but as he spoke, the boy seemed to push all the fragile, raw bits of himself inside and become the slightly distant, unreadable young man Robert had first met years ago following his uncle around. “I think I will see about the bath and remove some of this...” He made a sort of gesture towards the tacky mess covering him.
It took Robert a moment to understand why those words bothered him so. Matthew thought Robert found him insignificant, and more than that, inferior perhaps. Unwanted. As if the fault were somehow in Matthew, and Robert couldn’t be blamed for having seen it. He couldn’t let the boy believe that, believe that there was something inferior in him. “I’m too old for you, Matthew.’
Matthew stood up and started for the door. “You don’t have to pretend you would want me. I know it was all kindness.”
“Matthew...”
Matthew stopped and turned to look at him. “Please, don’t lie. I’m better, I promise. And you’re not very good at lying.”
“I’m an excellent liar, but that’s beside the point.”
Matthew shook his head. “I know I wasn’t much to begin with, and after tonight, well, you’ll never be able to look at me and not see Balford spending himself on me or me crawling around on the floor at the end of a leash. It’s all right. I do understand.”
“I’m too old for this and for you.”
“You can’t be much over thirty.”
“Thirty-two, if you must know.”
“Then when I’m thirty, you’ll be thirty-six. Does that really sound so horrible?”
Robert was going to protest again, but then he heard a little sniff from Matthew. The boy was barely holding himself together. Just because he’d hidden the fragile places didn’t mean they weren’t still there. “Come along. A bath is what you need. You’ll feel better when you’re clean.”
He put a friendly arm around Matthew’s shoulders and led him towards the tub. Matthew didn’t resist. Robert rubbed Matthew’s shoulder gently in small circles. Matthew turned towards him and rested his head lightly against his chest, as if he were ready to pull away the moment he was asked to.
The tub of steaming water seemed to calm Matthew. He stripped the ill-fitting clothes off without hesitation. Robert swallowed. The boy wouldn’t have done that so easily a few days ago. Now being naked must be the least of his mortifications. Robert tried to distract himself by gathering soap and towels. He heard the soft splash as Matthew slid into the water.
“You don’t need to stay,” Matthew said. “I’m sure you’re tired.”
Robert brought the bath things with him as he knelt by the tub. He felt more awake than he had in ages, and Matthew would need someone to wash his back at least. That was only logical. Robert took off his waistcoat and shirt, so they wouldn’t get wet—it was only practical even if own valet never did—and picked up the soap. Matthew reached to take the soap from him, but Robert pushed him away. “Shh, let me take care of you.”
Matthew looked ready to protest, but he nodded instead and let Robert wash him scrubbing away the sweat and oil and spend that coated the boy’s skin and hair. Mathew relaxed under Robert’s hands, allowing Robert to move him as he wanted and leaning against him whenever he was close enough. Robert sighed. The boy was so beautiful, so willing.
Robert leaned forward. Matthew saw it and responded, leaning towards him and pressing his lips against Robert’s. They were soft and sweet. Dixon hadn’t spoiled them, although Robert had no doubt he’d planned to. He ran his tongue along the seam, and Matthew’s mouth opened to him at once. He eased his tongue into the warmth and felt Matthew relax against him. He broke the contact, and Matthew leaned into him, wanting more. Robert picked up the soap and went back to washing Matthew, trying to distract himself from the kiss.
It didn’t work. Every time the wet, soap-slick skin brushed against his, he couldn’t think of anything but the afternoon they had spent together at his townhouse when the servants were away. And then Matthew was clean, and there was no reason for Robert to be touching him, no reason for him to do anything but pick up a towel and hold it for Matthew as he got out of the tub.
“Thank you,” Mathew said as he pulled the towel around himself.
Robert waited for him to say something else, but Matthew simply began drying himself off. Robert wanted to fill the silence. No, he wanted Matthew looking at him again, paying attention to him again.
“There’s some food in the other room. We should have some of it so Mrs. O’Brien doesn’t worry.”
“If you’d like.” Matthew followed him out of the valet’s room.
Robert looked around the main bedroom, trying to remember where he’d seen the tray of food.
Matthew didn’t seem to think the delay was odd. “It’s by the window.”
Robert looked at the windows until he spotted the correct one, with the table in front of it and the tray of food. “So it is.” He knew he ought to move towards it, but he stood where he was, trying to figure out why thinking seemed so difficult.
He felt Matthew’s hand brush his bare shoulder. “Robert? Would you rather I left?”
Robert turned. Matthew was standing so close, looking worriedly up at him.
“No,” Robert whispered.
Matthew pressed closer to him. “Then you’d like me to stay?”
Robert nodded.
“With you? I mean you want me too...”
Robert brushed his fingers through Matthew’s damp hair and whispered, “You’re certain you want to?”
Matthew nodded and let the towel drop to the floor. “The way, when you were showing me... at your house...” Matthew bit his lower lip, making it pink.
Robert knew what he was asking. He moved to stand behind Matthew and gave him a little slap on his bottom, and the boy flinched but put himself in position for another. So he did like it. But that slap had been light. It shouldn’t have caused him to flinch like that, not after the paddling he’d given him at the townhouse. Either Dixon had hurt him worse than he was admitting, or he didn’t realize how sore he was. Either way, that wasn’t how Robert wanted him. He leaned over and kissed Matthew on the shoulder. “Not tonight. I don’t want anyone’s mark on you but mine. All right?” He kissed Matthew again, working his way along his neck.
Matthew nodded. “Can we still...?”
Robert had reached Matthew’s ear. “If you’d like.”
Matthew pressed closer. Robert gave him a small squeeze then let him go and moved to the bed, stripping off the rest of his clothing as he went. Matthew followed. Robert pulled open the drawers by the bed until he found one of the small bottles of oil that seemed to have begun turning up in every room of Hensley House since Lionel had hired the new gardener. He slicked up his fingers then reached behind and began preparing himself.
“What are you doing?”
Robert smiled. “You’re too sore to receive, so I will.”
Matthew still looked confused. Robert grinned and continued to work himself. When he felt he was ready, he climbed onto the bed and got on his hands and knees.
“You don’t have to...”
Robert looked over his shoulder. Matthew was protesting, but was also hard and leaking and slowly approaching him. Robert grinned at him and wiggled his hips a little, just enough to let him see how eager he was. Matthew darted forward. His hands ran over Robert’s body. Robert rested his head on the pillow and enjoyed the feel of Matthew’s hands on him, running down his back, exploring his thighs, sliding up over his arse. And then his lips traced a path down his spine, his hip.
He gasped as Matthew’s lips brushed along the curve of his buttock. He was going to protest, to say something, but then Matthew’s fingers brushed along his hole and he gasped. “Yes, please, in me, Matthew. Now.”
