Moment of Truth, page 11
Caroline locked eyes with Elijah. His brash nature was quickly disappearing, and seemed to be replaced by a look of real shock and worry.
‘I mean… I didn’t mean anything by it,’ he said, his voice stumbling. ‘I guess I was just trying to inject a bit of humour, bring the team together a little bit, maybe.’
‘The team is just fine together, Elijah. We’re a tight-knit bunch. We’ve been working closely with each other for quite some time. You can’t just waltz in and start making sarcastic remarks about colleagues and expect that everyone’s going to start laughing at the expense of someone they’ve spent almost every waking hour with for the last however many years. That’s not how it works.’
Elijah looked down at the desk, then back up at Caroline. ‘I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe it’s just taking me a bit of getting used to. We don’t have that sort of closeness at EMSOU. I mean, there are people you work with closely, or colleagues who’ve been on a few jobs together, but not like this. Not where it’s the same team on each job. It’s a finely tuned machine, I can see that.’
‘It’s a bloody overworked machine that’s creaking at the seams and on the verge of blowing a gasket. That’s what it is. You were meant to add another cylinder to our engine. From where I’m standing, you’re turning out to be more of a dipstick. You’re here to help solve problems, Elijah, not create them. Listen, I know how hard it is trying to fit into an established unit. Trust me on that one. But do you know what I found was the biggest thing that helped me integrate? Talk less, listen more. You’ve got one mouth and two ears. Don’t come bulldozing your way in, expecting everyone to come round to your way of doing things. We all want you here. We need you here. But you have to slot in comfortably, not jam yourself in with a sledgehammer.’
Elijah nodded slowly. To Caroline, he certainly looked as if he’d been knocked down a few pegs.
‘You’re right. I’m sorry. If I’m honest, I think I’m probably just trying too hard.’
‘It’s often the way. I know it’s not easy, Elijah. Especially when you’re only here for a short while. But you’re here to help us do a job. And while you’re here, you’re a part of the team as much as anyone else. The success of the team is as much your responsibility as everyone else’s. We share the load, we work together and we treat each other with dignity and respect. That goes in all directions. For now, I think it’s best if you just keep your head down for a while. Keep quiet in briefings, don’t speak unless you’re spoken to, and focus on following the information trails Detective Sergeant Antoine mentioned. Research, reveal, link. And let me know if you find anything.’
Elijah took a deep breath and gave one final nod. ‘Got it.’
Caroline sighed and waved her hand towards him. ‘Alright,’ she said. ‘Off you go.’
34
Dexter flopped onto his sofa and opened up his laptop as he leaned back, settling himself into the cushions.
He was feeling different today. A good sort of different. Something inside him knew he needed to capitalise on this sort of feeling, as it wouldn’t be long before the other one was back.
Over the last few months and years, he’d researched all sorts of different options, but it was difficult when he didn’t really know what was wrong. He’d considered going to see a therapist, but that had just caused more confusion than anything. Their websites and profiles all suggested they were the ideal people to help if you were feeling ‘worried’, ‘anxious’ or ‘depressed’, but none of these words quite seemed to fit, as far as Dexter was concerned. In any case, he wasn’t sure he was a talker. He’d never been able to open up to anyone, and he didn’t see why that would suddenly change now. Even if it did, why would a complete stranger, who was only there because they were getting paid, be the person to talk to?
He’d had friends who’d spoken openly about therapy and counselling and the good it had done them, so he could certainly see the appeal. But was it for him? He wasn’t sure. He’d picked up a couple of self-help books, but found them trite and pretty rage-inducing. The idea that he could simply change his thoughts just by wanting to, or that chanting a few well-meaning affirmations into the mirror ten times each morning would fix him was frankly ludicrous. All Dexter knew was that the darkness inside him was deep. It wasn’t something that could be medicated, talked or affirmed out of him. It would need far, far more than that. It was insidious.
He tried not to think too far along these lines as he typed another string of words into the search engine, hoping to find something new — something he hadn’t come across before — an approach that would provide the key for him to unlock himself.
Covering it up had worked, up until a point. It didn’t get rid of it, but it had at least kept it hidden. That’d had its drawbacks, of course. He’d had to keep well out of close relationships, for a start. He knew that if he ever let anyone get too close, there was no way he’d be able to hide that side of him from them. In any case, would it be right of him to want to? Surely the whole point of being with somebody was that you were meant to share those things and help each other?
Dexter had spent his life pondering these questions, and was still no closer to an answer. Some days were better than others, but he was starting to realise he only had a finite amount of energy.
He’d tried all sorts. His first port of call, years earlier, had been to visit his GP. That had been a disaster, to say the least. The doctor had put him on antidepressants, which made him feel worse than he had before. Coupled with that, he’d started to gain weight at an obscene rate, which had done little to help his mood. They’d referred him for counselling and therapy, but by the time he’d reached the top of the waiting list ten months later he wasn’t feeling too bad and was too busy with work to even think about taking them up on it. Throwing himself into his job worked well as a distraction, but that was about it.
He’d tried diet and lifestyle changes, choosing to eat more healthily and drink less alcohol, as well as joining a gym. He soon found he felt even more depressed at not being able to enjoy his favourite foods, and the gym membership became wasted as work and general life got in the way once again. Dexter estimated he must have spent hundreds, if not thousands of pounds on various self-help books and online courses designed to ‘help you uncover the real you’ and ‘heal your past trauma’, but found they’d done very little to help him.
He knew he needed professional assistance. Deep down, he accepted a therapist was probably the best option for him. Yes, he predicted they’d be useless and that he wouldn’t open up to them, but what did he have to lose? He’d have spent a couple of hundred quid, wasted a few hours of his time and been proven right. But if his predictions were wrong and the sessions actually helped…? There was no telling what the potential benefits might be.
He loaded up the now-familiar website and typed his postcode into the Location box. The website asked him if he’d prefer sessions online or in person, and he selected the latter. If he was going to struggle to open up to someone under normal circumstances, he didn’t see how it would be any easier to talk to a webcam. Having hit the Search button, a list of potential counsellors and therapists popped up — over three hundred of them within a fifteen mile radius of him. Down the left-hand-side of the website, a number of filters gave him options for narrowing down his search. He clicked the drop-down box under the heading What’s worrying you? and was stunned at the number of options. Not knowing what to select, he instead used a few of the other filters to try and make his search a little easier.
Over the course of the next half an hour or so, Dexter looked at the profiles of more than a dozen counsellors and therapists. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking for, or what most of the letters after their names meant. Some specialised in ‘integrative therapy’, whilst others talked about ‘Human Givens’ and ‘acceptance and commitment therapy’. He jotted a few notes down on a notepad, then searched the web to find out what some of these terms meant. All he really wanted was to click a button, then have someone diagnose him and work out what type of therapy he needed. He hadn’t expected to have to effectively triage himself.
A short while later, feeling he had a somewhat better idea as to the different types of therapy available, Dexter had narrowed his search down to three potential counsellors and therapists. If he was honest with himself, their photos had played a big part in his decision to get in touch with them. He knew it sounded weird, but he didn’t think he’d be able to talk to anyone who didn’t look ‘nice’. He knew he was going to have to be vulnerable, and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he didn’t feel comfortable with the person he was talking to.
Ten minutes later, having sent an email to each of them, Dexter closed the lid of his laptop.
35
‘She what?’ Sara said, the pitch of her voice rising to a squeal as she digested what Elijah had just told her. ‘She can’t do that. That’s outrageous!’
Elijah gave a small shrug and lifted the duvet up over his bare chest. ‘Just the way it is. You can’t blame her. You said she had a bee in her bonnet about EMSOU. It’s probably just that. It’ll pass.’
‘She can’t just put you on paperwork duties, though. That’s a complete overreaction.’
Elijah shrugged again. ‘It is what it is.’
‘And she actually said she didn’t want you to speak to any witnesses or access any existing records?’
Elijah lifted one shoulder slightly, then let it drop.
Sara shook her head in disbelief. ‘That’s ridiculous. She’s the one who’s been banging on about how short-staffed we are and how we needed another officer on the team. And the moment we get one, she goes and does this.’
‘I can’t really speculate. I shouldn’t even be telling you this much,’ Elijah replied.
‘She told you not to talk about it? Jesus, it gets worse. You don’t think she’s going off the rails, do you? She’s already taken a back seat on this case and left Dexter in charge. And I’ve seen how much pressure she’s been under recently.’
Elijah took a deep breath and let out a sigh. ‘I don’t know, honey. It’s not for me to say. I just thought you deserved to know the basics, that’s all. As far as I’m concerned, I’m just going to keep my head down and get on with it. I don’t want to cause a fuss.’
Sara put her hand on his arm. ‘You’re not causing a fuss at all. Some people just don’t like change. I don’t know why she’s got such a problem with you. And Dexter, come to think of it. Then again, he’s a man. He probably feels like his masculinity’s threatened or something. Do you want me to have a word?’
Elijah’s eyes narrowed. ‘No. No, please. Like I said, I shouldn’t have said anything to you in the first place. I don’t want to cause any trouble. I just want everything to be peaceful and fine. After all the fun we’ve just had, I wouldn’t want anything to ruin that. You were amazing.’
Sara smiled. ‘So were you. You’re amazing in so many ways. That’s why I’m bloody furious at her for talking to you like that. She was the one who was so desperate to get someone new on the team.’
‘Honestly, it’s cool,’ Elijah replied. ‘She’s probably just stressed out. You know how it is. I imagine she’s got all sorts of pressure raining down on her from above, and perhaps things got on top of her a little. It’s no big deal. Please don’t cause a fuss, Sara.’
‘I’m not going to. I wouldn’t say anything, don’t worry. I’m just making sure you’re okay, that’s all. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.’
Elijah pulled Sara in a little closer and kissed her on the head. ‘Thank you. Honestly, it means a lot that you’re looking out for me. But I’ll ride it out. Please don’t say anything to anyone, though. It won’t take them long to work out I told you, and then they’ll be wondering why. It’s probably not a good idea for everyone at work to know about us.’
‘No, I agree,’ Sara replied. ‘It’ll only put the gossip mill into overdrive.’
‘Either that or Hills will use it as some sort of proof that I can’t do my job properly. If she’s in a bit of a funny mood at the moment, we don’t want to be giving her anything that’ll make life more difficult for everyone. Probably best we just keep it to ourselves for now. There’ll be a time and a place. If we tell people a little way down the line, we’ll be able to prove it hasn’t and won’t cause any issues at work by virtue of the fact no-one will have noticed.’
‘True. I didn’t think of it that way.’
Elijah’s phone buzzed on the bedside table. He leaned over and glanced briefly at the screen before kissing Sara on the head again.
‘Anything important?’ Sara asked.
‘No, nothing. Just a spam email. Although, I have just seen the time, and I’m gonna have to get back for the dogs. If I leave it any longer they’ll have wrecked my place.’
‘Ah yeah, sorry. I can’t wait to meet them.’
Elijah forced a smile. ‘Yeah, it’ll be good. Like I say, they’re still pretty skittish at the moment, and don’t take well to new people. Rescue dogs for you, I guess. As soon as they’re a bit more sociable, I’ll get you round. Got to do these things carefully. Wouldn’t want one of them to bite that beautiful body of yours. That’s my job.’
Sara squealed with delight. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had spoken to her like this.
‘Will you pop over again tomorrow night?’ she asked. ‘I don’t think I can get enough of you.’
‘You try stopping me,’ Elijah replied. ‘Although maybe we can make it a little earlier? That way we can both get our fill before I have to dash off again.’
Sara smiled. ‘Mmm. Sounds like a deal.’
36
In the cinema later that evening, Caroline felt her eyelids growing increasingly heavy as she tried to concentrate on the screen in front of her. The film was good, but it still wasn’t enough to convince her brain it didn’t need sleep.
She hadn’t realised she’d nodded off until the ping of her mobile phone jolted her awake. Embarrassed, she grabbed it from her trouser pocket and flicked the switch to ‘Silent’ before whispering an apology to Mark.
She glanced down at the phone screen, shielding its bright light with her hand to ensure she didn’t cause any further disturbances. It was Dexter.
* * *
Still not convinced about this Toni. Something doesn’t quite fit. Think we need to probe further. Thoughts?
* * *
Before she could consider a response, her phone vibrated in her hand as another message landed, this time from Sara.
* * *
Apologies for the text, but didn’t want to call as you mentioned you were out tonight. Found a link between Karlsen and the Norwegian power contract Clive T pulled out of. Karlsen’s ex-wife worked for one of the financiers who was working on the deal. She’s now married to a politician who works in the Ministry of Petroleum and Energy. Bit of a coincidence, no?
* * *
She tapped out a quick reply to Sara, then to Dexter. She kept both messages short and sweet, then returned her attention to the film.
Although now she was no longer on the verge of nodding off to sleep, before long she realised her attention had been pulled away from the screen and instead towards Dexter and Sara’s messages. Had there been something odd about Toni? And Sara was right — that was one hell of a set of coincidences. But what did it all mean?
Before she could even think through the various permutations, her phone vibrated again in her pocket. She took it out and looked at the screen.
‘Why don’t you just go outside?’ Mark asked, leaning over and whispering to her.
‘Because I’m watching the film with you.’
‘You’re not, though, are you? You’re on your phone.’
A woman in front of them turned her head slightly to the side — just enough for Caroline and Mark to see her disapproving look in profile, before she gave a slight and slow shake of the head and returned her gaze to the screen.
Caroline lowered her voice further. ‘I can’t help it if people message me, Mark.’
‘I don’t expect you to stop people messaging you. I expect you to be able to go an hour and a half without reading and replying to them.’
Caroline opened her mouth to reply, but stopped herself as the woman in front let out a deliberately audible sigh.
Mark looked at her and mouthed ‘Just go.’
Caroline cocked her head sideways and looked at her husband; a silent communication that said everything she needed to say. Mark, though, refused to take his eyes from the screen.
Caroline stood up, making sure to clip the back of the woman’s head with her bag as she did, and left the cinema.
37
Outside, Caroline tapped her phone and lifted it to her ear, waiting for Sara to answer.
‘Hi. Film over already?’ Sara asked.
‘Yes and no,’ Caroline replied. ‘Long story. So, tell me everything we know.’
‘Alright, but it’s a bit complicated. So you remember Karlsen told us he was divorced? It turns out his ex-wife is linked with the Norwegian hydropower deal that Clive’s company was involved with. It’s a bit of a tenuous link to be honest, but at the time they were married, she worked for one of the firms that was helping to broker the deal. It’s all hedge funds, corporate finance and stuff like that. Way over my head. They’re quite a big company and seem to be involved in a lot of government contracts, so it might just be a coincidence, but it’s got to be worth looking into.’
