Lazy Dragon Queen: A Wholesome Harem LitRPG (Volume 1), page 1
Lazy Dragon Queen
Gaming in an Illogical World
Volume 1
Ace Arriande
Disclaimer
Copyright © 2021 by Ace Arriande
All rights reserved. No content here may be reproduced without consent from the author. Please contact the author at ace@arriande.com for any inquiries.
Covert art done by ErosPanda:
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Author Links:
Mailing List: https://acearriande.ck.page
Official Website: https://acearriande.com/
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Afterword
Chapter One
I had no idea what to expect when they demanded the town’s greatest virgin. I really didn’t know how to feel about the fact that, apparently, I was the town’s greatest virgin.
Weren’t young women supposed to be the greatest virgins who would get sacrificed to volcanos and monsters in the forests? They weren’t wrong about me being a virgin, sure, but it was still insulting to know that everybody believed I was the town’s greatest virgin.
But I shouldn’t complain too much about that. After all, being the town’s greatest virgin led me to meeting her and living the life that I had always wanted to live but never thought I could.
It’s embarrassing to remember how I acted at the time.
First, it insulted me. Then, I realized they weren’t wrong and that it was perfectly logical to assume that I was the town’s biggest virgin. Finally, they had to use bolt cutters to cut off the chains I had tied and locked connecting me to my greenhouse’s door.
Regardless of whether or not I consented, they took me to that dreaded mountain that loomed over the town.
Dragon’s Spine Mountains.
As if the world itself grew a spine that ran from one end of the horizon to the other, it’s no surprise that the mountain range was given so many names with “spine” included in them.
The World’s Spine Mountains.
Life’s Spine Mountains.
Or, as the locals always liked to call it, just “Spine.”
As for the “dragon” in Dragon’s Spine Mountains… well, that’s because of the dragon who lived within its center.
In a modern world of science, medicine, and hydroponics, there was no room for magic and mythical beings such as dragons. Tales existed of them, sure, but that’s all they were supposed to be.
Tales.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Yet, in the center of Dragon’s Spines Mountains slept a dragon. That was an irrefutable fact. Everybody knew of it, but nobody ever talked about it. Governments ignored it, scientists acted as if it didn’t exist, and nobody wanted to believe that a being powerful enough to destroy civilization could truly exist in the modern world.
Thankfully, the dragon slept. A lot. That’s what we thought, anyway. It only made demands of humanity—of my hometown, every few decades. Some decades, the demand could be as simple as a cow. Other decades, I heard of the greatest entertainers being called for and then returning with no memories of what happened within the mountain.
The cow never returned, by the way.
Back to the dragon.
I suppose it wouldn’t be fair to say that everybody knew of the dragon. Everybody in my hometown knew since the dragon was such an important part of our history, some people who would chase UFOs and Bigfoot sightings would try to investigate the mountains, and all the world’s government leaders probably knew, but very few… normal people knew about the dragon. They chalked it up to being a gimmicky tourist attraction at most.
The dragon’s existence was undeniable to those in my hometown, myself included.
School taught us of brave heroes who fought to keep the dragon at bay using mystical powers, wizards who came from all over the world to put up barriers to trap the dragon within the mountains, scientists who developed weapons to slay it, and so on.
There was even a museum near the base of the mountains that showed off supposed relics such as dragon scales, holy swords, and preserved eggs from the dragon itself.
Despite that—despite the town’s history being obsessed with the dragon, despite having museums dedicated to it, and despite having a couple of movies that flopped in the box office, there was not a single depiction of the dragon that everybody could agree on.
Some depictions showed the dragon as this mountain-sized, black-scaled, fire-breathing behemoth capable of covering entire continents in its blazing flames. Others depicted the dragon as a sort of legless, winged serpent with golden scales and the ability to summon devastating storms. One country even depicted the dragon as a mutated lizard that somehow got affected by nuclear weapons despite the fact that nuclear weapons didn’t exist when the dragon’s legend began.
Well, who knows? Maybe there used to be human civilization before the modern one that had nuclear weapons and accidentally created the dragon.
There was only a single, absolute fact that was known about the dragon other than, “yeah, it exists,” and that fact was that it lived within the caves in the center of Dragon’s Spine Mountains.
And that cave was where the police took me.
“As you can see,” the local news reporter said in front of the camera pointed my way, “the town’s greatest virgin, Drake Hunter—wait, really? His name is Drake Hunter? That’s—oh! The police are now dropping him off at the entrance to the cave! After all that drama of him shouting that he didn’t want to leave his plants and chaining himself to his greenhouse, we’ll hopefully get to see the dragon come for the sacrifice!”
“Is this really something you should televise?!” I shouted back at her.
They ignored me.
So, what do you do when you don’t want to be on some sort of messed up, public broadcast?
You shout profanities.
“Fuck! Shit! Ass! Fuckidy fuck, fuck, fuck! Fucking fucks!” I shouted at the top of my lungs while staring straight at the camera.
I was pissed off, alright?
Both the cameraman’s and the reporter’s eyes went wide as they tried shushing me so that the news station wouldn’t face fines.
If they were going to sacrifice me to a dragon because I was too busy with my garden to have sex, then the local news channel could handle some fines.
Though, the camera panned back to the entrance of the cave as soon as a loud roar came from within.
The roar was enough to knock any lightweights onto the ground, including the reporter, and the windows on the news van shattered. The dragon was awake and coming.
For me.
Was I going to die? Maybe I was going to be treated as some toy and then killed whenever the dragon got bored? What if I was going to be turned into a toasted snack? Was I going to be forced to recite poetry and stand-up comedy to entertain the dragon?
Then I remembered they brought me to the cave because of one thing: my virginity.
Was the dragon actually some sort of pervert who was going to violate my virgin status? How would that even work? Was that even legal? Though, a dragon probably wouldn’t care about laws, and I doubted the government would care either if it meant sating a dragon’s desires to prevent the destruction of all humanity.
Another roar bellowed out from the cave, fluctuating in volume and intensity. If I had to describe how it sounded, I would say it sounded like that weird throat noise crocodiles make but like a yawn and about a hundred times louder.
Honestly, it took everything in me to not piss myself. Who wouldn’t almost wet themselves when they knew they were being sacrificed to a powerful, ancient dragon with no knowing of what their fate would be? Sure, those entertainers that returned before could leave, but there was no knowing what happened to them while they were gone! What if they could only leave because they sufficiently entertained the dragon? I wasn’t a funny person. I wasn’t creative, I was told that I have the sense of humor of a dried starfish, and—wait, I never found out what “the sense of humor of a dried starfish” meant.
“Can anybody see it? Is it coming?!” the reporter shouted.
I was too busy staring at the ground and holding back my bladder to look up. Everybody already knew as the town’s greatest virgin and that guy who wouldn’t stop shouting about flowers while chained to my greenhouse’s door. I didn’t need to add “that guy who pissed himself on live television” to my reputation.
At that point, I realized it might be a good thing if I never came back from the dragon’s cave. I wouldn’t have to deal with whatever reputation I’d have afterward if I never returned.
“We brought our town’s greatest virgin and the belongings that you requested!” the mayor shouted, standing in front of me. He was the closest one to the cave’s interior,
When I looked at my sides, I noticed that my computer, cellphone, and… a bag full of my clothes were with me.
Things were only getting more and more confusing. What would a dragon have to do with not only me, but my computer, cellphone, and clothes?
Before I could think about it too much, an invisible force lifted out of the police officers’ hands, up into the air, and into the cave. The force wrapped around my entire body, but it held me in an almost gentle way.
It gave my belongings the same treatment.
“There he goes! Good luck, Drake Hunter! Thank you for being the town’s greatest virgin! Nobody will ever forget your sacrifice!” the reporter shouted with some extra sass in her voice to make up for the fines.
Yeah, it was a good thing that I was probably going to die. I wasn’t dying yet, though. I was just being dragged through twisting, dark tunnels with no idea of what I was about to face.
The tunnels gradually grew wider and taller the deeper in the force pulled me. Not only that, but the once-dark tunnels became illuminated by glowing crystals embedded within the walls.
I never saw crystals so beautiful before.
Not that I could care too much. I was still probably going to die by a dragon.
One last roar filled the tunnels only to get interrupted by… a cough? A gag? It sounded like the dragon had some throat problems which really sort of killed the threatening vibe going on.
As if to punish me for my thoughts on how non-threatening the gag of an interruption was, I was dropped to the ground with no warning.
It hurt my knees. Being dropped on my knees onto a hard, rocky floor wasn’t exactly a pleasant thing.
I figured I could complain about such minor pain right before my death without anybody complaining. If there was ever a time to be whiny, it was then.
But I was too paralyzed to whine. Not literally paralyzed, but paralyzed by fear.
I was in a massive chamber that seemed to extend forever in every direction that I looked in. Yet, no matter where I looked, I saw no dragon. All I could see was… a small shack? From the outside, it looked like somebody tried converting a storage container into a house but had no idea of what design meant. The “windows” were jagged holes cut into the walls, there were uneven and unmatched layers of paint coloring it, and then—and then the dragon spoke to me.
“Do you wanna play a game?” the dragon asked.
It was even worse than I thought it was going to be.
I was not only sacrificed to a dragon, but they sacrificed me to a sadistic dragon who was going to put me through all manners of torturous “games” to see how desperate I was to survive!
I knew I was going to die, and that it was likely going to be a horrible, slow death all for the dragon’s entertainment.
“Hey, come on, let’s play some vidya,” the dragon said.
The hamsters that were furiously spinning the wheel within my mind came to a halting stop, throwing them out of the wheel and around in random places to wonder what the heck was happening.
What did this dragon say? It was asking if I wanted to play… “vidya?”
How did this dragon even know what that meant? I only knew what that word meant because I saw it pop up on forums sometimes whenever looking up guides for video games. So, how did this dragon know what internet slang for video games was? And was this dragon asking me to play video games?
Was that my trial? Did I have to beat it in video games in order to survive? In that case, if it was something like Gardening Simulator 2022, I could easily win my survival! But, if the dragon wanted to compete in a first-person shooter or racing game, then I was screwed.
I didn’t even know what my soon-to-be-killer looked like yet, so I forced myself to lift my head to get a look at… her.
She looked nothing like how I expected her to look.
There was no black, scaly hide as tough as metal covering her. She wasn’t as large as a mountain, either. Instead, she had pale skin, was maybe five feet at most, and she had a messy head of hair that was almost distracting enough to make me skip the fact that she had horns sticking out from her head. Besides that, a pair of wings stuck out from behind her waist and a serpentine tail hung off of her that slowly slid from side to side against the cave’s floor.
Perhaps the worst thing about this dragon’s appearance—and I mean worse as in completely expectation-defying, was that she had bags under her eyes. She looked like some young girl who had just spent all last night playing video games and was now struggling to stay awake to ask if I wanted to play more video games!
“You’re the virgin, right?” she asked, her voice as young and feminine sounding as she looked.
“Y-yeah,” I mumbled out. “If… if you want to play video games, why did you ask for a virgin? There’s that one popular streamer in town who lives next door to me. Are you sure you don’t want to just… let me go and play games with him instead?”
“Ehhhh? Aren’t virgins supposed to be the best at games?”
“I think you just offended a large percentage of humanity.”
“Ehh… come on, let’s play already.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Why? Because not only was she—well, a girl, but she was naked. Her wings conveniently covering the front of her hips and her hair hanging down over her breasts were the only things keeping her from flashing me!
“Shouldn’t you—shouldn’t you at least put some clothes on before inviting random virgins to play games with you?!”
“Oh, yeah. Gimme,” she said, making grabby hands toward the bag next to me.
“Give you… my clothes?”
“Yeah.” She yawned and rubbed her eyes.
Did those roars from earlier come from this girl? Seriously? There’s no way, right?
I stood up to take the bag of clothes to her. That earned me the usual response I heard from people when they realized how tall I am.
“Woah! You’re like, huge!” she said, seemingly more energized than she just was moments ago. “Oh! That’s what she said!”
Did… she just “that’s what she said” herself? Do people actually do that?
“Hey, how tall are you?”
“Six foot three,” I answered.
“You’re like a giant! I feel so short next to you.” She laughed before using her wings to float closer to me.
That meant I had to look away from her. Without one of her wings covering her front, looking in her direction was dangerous.
“See?” she asked.
I looked down and saw her standing right in front of me.
Yeah, she was short alright. The tips of her horns barely reached my shoulders.
More importantly, with the fact that she was naked and now standing in front of me—that close to me, too… I had to stop looking before I got any thoughts. If anything were to happen, given our height differences, it would have been way too obvious.
“Oh, yeah, clothes,” she said and then proceeded to take the bag from my hands. She dug through it and then made an “aha!” sound before taking one of my shirts out from the bag.
It was a plain, white, oversized t-shirt. It was too big even for me, but I figured I would keep it just to sleep in and laze around in.
“Comfy,” she said, spinning around in the shirt before nodding twice. She seemed awfully proud of herself.
It’s way too big for her. That’s what she said. Shit, I just “that’s what she said” myself. Is this the power of a dragon? Has she already corrupted me?!
But seriously, the shirt looked ready to slide off her at any moment. It was only being held up by a single shoulder as the other end of it almost slid down her arm to her elbow. Plus, it was long enough to act like a dress, and it was since she lowered her wings enough to stick out through the bottom without pulling it up.
“I triggered a flag, right?” she asked.
“What are you talking about?” I asked back.
“You know, a flag. I chose the option to be cute and wear your shirt. That means I should have triggered a flag for your route.”
“Sure,” I answered, having no idea what sort of flag she was talking about.
“That’s right,” she proudly said, nodding her head some more with her arms crossed over chest. “I am the queen of games. There is no flag that I can’t trigger and no route that I can’t clear.”
