He seemed uncomfortable as he shifted. “I saw them together too.” He spoke abruptly, clearly unhappy with those words and the admission he had to make. “They appear to have a strong bond between them. I could see the affection between them. They are willing to sacrifice for each other, and though I am not entirely convinced due to their tender age, I will withdraw my objections.”

  She blinked, shocked to hear that. “Truly?”

  He frowned at her. “I am capable of revising my opinions upon occasion.”

  She snorted. “If I recall from many years ago, you are not one to change your opinion once it is set, according to Caroline.” Her lips twitched as she recalled that time, back when Caroline had been so very haughty and convinced she could set her cap for Mr. Darcy despite his engagement. Of course, she must have known, unlike the locals of Meryton, that it hadn’t been formally announced yet and still had hope.

  Fortunately, Caroline had mellowed over the years and was content with Mr. Carter, the man she had married the year following the Darcy/de Bourgh union. She was also far more pleasant these days, to Lizzy’s relief, since they saw each other at least a few times per year, with her sister married to Caroline’s brother.

  “I do not write my opinions in stone,” he said in a harsh manner.

  “I have seen very little evidence of that, Mr. Darcy. For example, when Mr. Bingley returned to court my sister again and proposed, you cut off all contact with him. You have maintained your stubborn silence for eighteen years, have you not? I merely question whether you can truly change your mind so quickly.”

  He shifted in his seat. “I would like my son to be happy.” He seemed to speak from the heart when he said that. He cleared his throat and looked down. “Truthfully, Anne and I did not have the happiest of marriages. We were good friends, but I loved her like a sister, not a wife. It is very difficult to have a good marriage with someone you consider a sister, especially when she loves another.”

  Lizzy nodded slowly, startled to hear Anne had maintained a tendre for another. “In my case, it was very difficult to have a good marriage with someone I could not respect. I tried to make the union work, and he seemed to genuinely try too, but Mr. Collins was never a good match for me. If my father had not died the very day you left Netherfield, I never would have accepted his proposal.”

  Fitzwilliam winced. “I am sorry. I had not heard that detail.”

  “I am surprised Lady Catherine didn’t say anything to you about it.”

  “My aunt and I are not particularly close.”

  Lizzy couldn’t hide her disapproval. “Which is unfortunate, because once you get past her overbearing manner, you can find a genuinely lovely woman inside. She wants what is best for you and for everyone. The only problem arises if you deviate from the course she has deemed best for you.” Her lips twitched as she added that.

  He seemed surprised. “You sound fond of my aunt.”

  “Surprisingly, I am. She proved to be an unexpected ally once we got past our differences when I was at Hunsford. I think she liked that I stood up to her. She has gotten quite close to my family over the years, and I know she shall want to be included in Lottie’s engagement party.”

  He frowned. “What happened to a long courtship?”

  Lizzy shrugged. “I am being realistic. I do not believe they have it in them to wait long. For that matter, perhaps it is best to let them marry sooner rather than later, for young love is quite intense, and passions can run high. There could be...indelicate complications if we try to make them wait too long.”

  He surprised her by standing up and moving around the desk. Lizzy refused to yield any ground, but she trembled a little inside as he leaned closer, propping himself against the corner of her desk. “It is not always young passions that run strong, is it?” As he asked, he trailed his knuckle down her cheek and pushed a stray hair that escaped her chignon behind her ear.

  Lizzy’s mouth went dry at the casual touch, and she couldn’t help recalling the way he’d kissed her earlier. It had been tinged with anger, but this time, she wanted a different memory.

  It had been a long time since she’d acted impulsively, forced as she had been to be disciplined and think of everyone’s future and all that was at stake with a wrong choice, but as he leaned down, she stretched up, and their lips met.

  This was a far different kiss than the angry one they had exchanged earlier in the afternoon. It was gentle, but there was certainly a surging inferno of passion underlying it. She put her arms around his neck as she stood up the rest of the way, and he pulled her against him.

  Lizzy had kissed a man before, and of course, she had lain with one, but Mr. Collins had never managed to make her senses feel like this, like every nerve in her body was strung taut in a blazing conflagration. When Fitzwilliam moved his mouth, nibbling on her ear before sucking on her neck, she whimpered and pushed herself closer to him.

  Only catching sight of them in the mirror across the way brought her back to her senses, and she gently pushed him from her. “This is hardly the time or place for that sort of thing.” How prim and proper she sounded, though she didn’t feel that way at all.

  He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “Quite right. I must speak with my son anyway. I suppose there will be contracts to negotiate and a betrothal party to plan.”

  She nodded her agreement, remaining where she stood as he walked around her desk and headed for the door. When he paused in the doorway to look back, she held her breath as he said, “This is not over between us, Lizzy. I walked away long ago, and though I suppose it worked out for the best, because we couldn’t have the lives we have now, I cannot help feeling an ache of remorse. I would like to know what might have been and what could still be.”

  She was incapable of answering him, shocked as she was by the revelation, though it shouldn’t have been all that surprising in light of the fact they had kissed each other twice in since their reunion. She was still afraid though. What would he want from her? She was a widow, which put her in a position to enjoy certain delights of the flesh that a young maiden hadn’t been deemed entitled to indulge. Did he want something from her that was strictly physical, or was he thinking of something more?

  Lizzy watched him go, still not certain how to feel.

  Chapter Four

  TIME SEEMED TO SPEED past, and two fortnights had gone in the blink of an eye. It had been a busy month with the contract negotiations and announcing the engagement, followed by the party planned for that evening. Lady de Bourgh had arrived the day before, and Lizzy was concerned by how frail she seemed. When she entered the sitting room and found Lady Catherine showing Lottie an intricate dance step from a dance no longer in fashion, she asked, “What are you doing, Lady Catherine? You should be resting.”

  “I am not so old that I cannot manage a small dance step, particularly on the eve of the ball.” Lady Catherine sounded annoyed by her fussing, but Lizzy suspected she secretly liked it. She’d always liked someone to defer to her, though contrarily, it seemed that was the reason she liked Lizzy—her refusal to do so.

  She didn’t want to treat her any differently than she had, but she was still concerned for her. “Have you seen the apothecary recently?”

  Lady Catherine huffed at her as she sat down, accepting a cup of tea from Lottie, who was glowing with excitement. “Of course not. Only sick people see the apothecary. I am not sick, dear girl. I am merely getting old. It happens to everyone, if they are fortunate enough to live to a ripe age.” She frowned, seeming to be thinking of her daughter, and Lizzy patted her hand in a show of sympathy as she pretended it was just to offer her the bowl of sugar.

  After Lady Catherine had added a couple of lumps, Lizzy said, “I do not mean to fuss. I worry about you.”

  “I do appreciate it, dear girl, but it is unnecessary. I feel fine and in good health. I shall enjoy life until I am no longer able to do so. Tonight, we shall celebrate this engagement of my grandson to my goddaughter, and we shall all be quite jug-bitten fools by morning.”

  Lizzy smiled, hardly able to imagine Catherine being intoxicated, though it was amusing.

  Shortly thereafter, they all went separate ways to prepare for the ball, and Lizzy stopped at her mother’s room to check on Fanny, who was having what sounded like a nervous episode. She peeked in through the doorway, discovering Fanny was simply looking for her pearls and asking the maid where they might have gotten to as she bemoaned her nerves being overwrought with all the excitement.

  Lizzy smiled, not interceding, as she made her way to her bedroom. Her maid was waiting, and she was dressed within a couple of hours. She couldn’t help feeling a faint stirring of excitement for the forthcoming ball at Netherfield. It had so many echoes of the past, though she hoped this evening ended differently for everyone than the last one had.

  Chapter Five

  FITZWILLIAM WAS BROODING in the corner, nursing a cup of smoking bishop, when Lady de Bourgh approached him. He nodded to his aunt respectfully as he lowered the cup of punch he’d been about to sip. “Good evening, Lady Catherine.”

  She smiled. “You are always so formal, Fitzwilliam.”

  “I am a product of my upbringing.”

  “Yes, shamefully so sometimes.”

  He scowled. “I beg your pardon?”

  “My sister and her husband raised you to be a good master, but you were also raised to think less of those beneath you. It is a failing of all in our social circle, my boy. I did the same thing with Anne, though she was naturally a kind girl, and she always treated the servants well.”

  Fitzwilliam’s lips twitched as he recalled the moment he had realized just how close Anne was to her maid. He’d walked in on them kissing, and her secret had been revealed. He nodded his agreement. “She was very kind, particularly to her maid.”

  Catherine looked uncomfortable for a moment. “I suspected.” She practically whispered that.

  He arched brow. “What?”

  “I suspected she and the girl were quite good friends.” She flushed as she said it. “I had hoped her preferences would change with marriage.”

  He blinked in shock. “Yes, they were quite good friends, and that never changed.” Clearing his throat, he said, “It was difficult to be married to someone who would absolutely never fall in love with me. Truthfully, I could never have loved Anne the way I should have either though.”

  He expected his revelation to anger his aunt, so it surprised him when she just nodded. “I have realized that as the years passed, and I have had time to think. I forced you two into fueling the dream your mother and I had, but it was never what either of you wanted. I suspect you would not have yielded if something had not pushed you into accepting the course.” She arched a brow expectantly.

  “It is true that I do not do what I do not wish to do. I am a Darcy.”

  “You are a proud Darcy. There is nothing wrong with being prideful, for you have a great many accomplishments of which to be proud, as long as you temper that with humility and compassion. Do not let pride and your own insistence on maintaining certain social standards prevent you from having happiness a second time, Fitzwilliam.”

  He frowned at her. “I do not know what you mean, madam.”

  Lady Catherine gave him a knowing look as she glanced across the room, where Lizzy stood with her daughter and his son. “Do you not, my boy? I do not know all the details, but I pieced together enough over the years to realize there was at least some level of affection between you and Lizzy. If you had been flexible enough to act upon it then, our lives would have been quite different. I must confess, in some ways I would have been happy for that, because if Anne had not borne William, she would still be alive. Yet I cannot stand to think that way either, because I am quite fond of my grandson.” She squeezed his hand. “I am fond of my nephew as well, and I only want your contentment. I do believe you could be happy with Lizzy.”

  Fitzwilliam blinked. “Are you encouraging me to pursue her?”

  “Indeed I am. I suppose if circumstances had conspired to bring you back together sooner, I would have tried to play matchmaker then, but I saw the affection between Lottie and William forming over the years, and I assumed time would settle old wounds and bring happiness for everyone, so I abided.”

  He shook his head. “You are truly trying to claim victory for bringing the children together and inadvertently bringing Lizzy back into my life?”

  “Certainly. After all, I am a Matlock, and we are a proud bunch as well.” She spoke heartily, but she winked at him. “I do believe you should go claim a dance before a certain lady’s card is full.”

  Fitzwilliam cleared his throat and handed her his punch, which she took with a small smile. Her encouragement got him across the room, but his courage nearly deserted him when he stood before her. He realized after a moment she was staring at him awkwardly, and he hadn’t returned her greeting. “Dance with me.” That was hardly what he’d planned to say, and it certainly wasn’t eloquent, but he didn’t even wait for her acceptance. He just took her hand and led her onto the floor.

  “What if I have this dance reserved for another?” She sounded politely curious as she stepped into formation.

  “They must be quite aggrieved at missing out on the opportunity to dance with you.” He spoke firmly, not intending to yield.

  “Fortunately for you, this dance has not yet been claimed.”

  “Perhaps you were saving it for me?”

  “Such cheek to suggest that. Your ego must be enormous, Mr. Darcy.”

  “Among many things,” he said with a suggestive laugh.

  Her eyes widened, and she blushed lightly, but she obviously wasn’t too shocked. It was refreshing to be able to speak with her a little more candidly than he had when she was younger and still a maiden.

  “You seemed to have a deep conversation with Lady Catherine.”

  “My aunt was giving me sage advice. She suggested I had waited too long and was too proud of my own name to yield and allow some happiness in my life.”

  “Perhaps she is correct.” Lizzy lowered her voice slightly. “What sort of happiness do you seek, Fitzwilliam?”

  “I would like to lose myself in your arms, Lizzy.” He growled the words softly, knowing he was standing too close to her but unable to care.

  Fortunately, she maintained some sense of decorum because she stepped back. “In that case, when the dance ends, I plan to leave the room. I will be in the library, and perhaps you will find me there.”

  He could barely hold back the anticipation as he nodded, and when the song ended, he bowed to her as he was supposed to, but it was painful to watch her walk away. He observed her exit the room, and he spent a few moments in conversation with Bingley, who was far more courteous than Fitzwilliam deserved. He had been gracious since the day Fitzwilliam approached him to apologize weeks ago, and they were slowly regaining vestiges of their old friendship. Fitzwilliam was surprised by how much he had missed having Bingley in his life, and he realized that was yet another thing his pride had cost him.

  When he felt like enough time had elapsed, he slipped away from the ballroom. He went down the hall, well familiar with the path to the Netherfield library, and entered it. The door was open, but he took a moment to close and lock it as he caught sight of Lizzy standing by the fireplace. He moved over to stand behind her, putting his arms around her. It felt good to hold her.

  Chapter Six

  LIZZY MOANED WHEN HIS arms wrapped around her, making no effort to free herself. She recognized his scent, but it was unlikely to be anyone else anyway. Passion coursed through her, stirring desires long forgotten and never realized.

  “My Lizzy,” he whispered against her ear as his lips nibbled on her lobe.

  She shivered in response. “Fitzwilliam.” She arched her neck to allow him better access, and he accepted the invitation by sucking at the bend of her neck and shoulder. Warmth coursed through her, and she trembled at his touch.

  He cupped one of her breasts in his palm, and it was a snug fit, since her figure had changed after giving birth and over the passing years. She moaned again as he lightly tugged her nipple while nibbling on her neck.

  She was suddenly desperate to feel his arms around her properly, so she pulled away to turn and face him. Lizzy cupped his face in her hands and stretched upward to brush her lips against his. Her kiss was almost tentative, but he pulled her closer, deepening it into a much more passionate exchange.

  Fitzwilliam’s tongue surged inside her mouth, and her eyes widened. She’d never been kissed this way before. Indeed, she hadn’t really considered it would be possible. Her few kisses with Mr. Collins had been perfunctory, just like their coupling, which had never moved her. She had merely endured it.

  She was embracing this exchange with enthusiasm, and she stroked her tongue against his after a second of shyness. He trembled and groaned, and she did it again. Her hands wandered along his body, stymied by his waistcoat and cravat. She desperately wanted to feel the flesh beneath, but she wasn’t confident she could help return him to his previous state of order after they indulged their passions.

  That almost cooled her ardor. The harsh reminder that this was just a delayed culmination of the passions they’d felt years ago threatened to rip her from the fantasy. She desperately rejected the notion, clinging to the moment instead of worrying about the future. It lent a new air of desperation to her as she stroked his chest and slipped a hand under the fall of his pants.

  “Lizzy.” There was a hint of a growl in his voice, and he trembled as she stroked the length of him. Was he warning her or encouraging her?

 

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