Escape (Harper Security Ops Book 16), page 22
Josie’s fingernails dug in firmly against my chest as I took what I’d been craving for weeks.
I took and took, feeling like I’d never get enough. And then I gave. I gave her a mere fraction of what I thought she deserved to have.
Josie.
Fuck, Josie.
All these years, all this time.
My heart had been pounding in my chest from the second she brushed her lips against mine and ordered me to kiss her. Now, it was hammering wildly, feeling like it was in the middle of running a marathon.
And my oxygen supply seemed to be decreasing. My chest was constricting, the tightness an unfamiliar sensation. I’d never experienced it before, especially not when I kissed someone.
It was her.
Without having to give it a second thought, I knew it was her.
It always had been.
Completely consumed but worried I might pass out if I didn’t stop, I begrudgingly tore my mouth from hers.
There was so much to say, but I couldn’t seem to find any words. Maybe part of the reason for that was because I needed to find a way to catch my breath before attempting to speak. Josie’s breathing was just as labored as mine, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
With my forehead resting against hers and one hand curled around the side of her neck, I stroked my thumb around the front of her throat.
“Pac-Man is my new favorite game,” Josie declared.
“Yeah. Mine, too.”
“One day, when I have a house of my own and can afford it, I’m going to buy a Pac-Man arcade game,” she added.
Laughter spilled out of me, and it was a good thing it did, because if I allowed my thoughts to run wild, I wasn’t sure I would have been able to lighten the mood.
Josie seemed content to keep talking, to get answers to her questions. “What did we just do, Huck?”
There was no reason to hold back. We’d come this far, and I wasn’t about to turn back now. “We did what we should have done years ago.”
“What?” There was an edge of doubt in Josie’s tone, like she couldn’t understand why I would have said what I just said.
“After that kiss, tell me you feel differently,” I demanded, pulling my head back so I could look at her. “Because that kiss just made me realize that I made the biggest mistake of my life by not making you mine years ago.”
Her lips parted in shock, disbelief etched into her features. “Huck, I—”
“Fuck, Josie, I never should have left you after high school,” I clipped, needing her to know precisely how I felt. “Where would we be right now if I had stayed?”
Josie bit the corner of her lip, likely taking a moment to consider precisely how different our lives would have been. Her hand that had been at the back of my head drifted down slightly to my neck, where she squeezed. “You had to go. That was your dream, and I never would have wanted to take that away from you.”
No, she wouldn’t have.
Because that’s just who she was.
But it still didn’t change the way I felt.
I shook my head, feeling so much guilt and regret consuming me. “Even if that’s the case, I should have looked you up when I came back. I should have tried anything I could to get you back in my life. It’s not like I haven’t had the resources in all the years I’ve been working at Harper Security Ops.”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded with me, her voice a touch over a whisper. “Please, don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry. I just feel like I’ve wasted so much time.”
“And I feel like I’ve just experienced the best thing in my life, and the last thing I would ever want you to feel about it is regret.”
I brought both hands up to frame her face. “I don’t regret you. Not for one second. I just wish I had done something differently than I did.”
“But we can’t go back to change it, so dwelling on it or allowing ourselves to feel guilty about what we didn’t do then won’t make anything better for either one of us.”
“How can you not be sad about it? How can you not hate that we could have been with one another all these years? Don’t you feel like we missed out on so much that we can’t ever get back?”
I was bombarding her with so many questions, and part of me felt bad about it, but I was so consumed by disappointment with myself. I could have saved her from a world of hurt if I’d thought about her when I got back.
I didn’t, and I’d never be able to fix that.
In a surprising twist, the corners of Josie’s mouth tipped up slightly. “I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that if things had been different, we would have both been very happy. Of course, there’s a part of me that wonders what if. I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t the case. But like I said before, we can’t change the past. All we can do is move forward from here. And I’m not sad, because I know you, Huck. I know you’ll make whatever happens from here on out better than I could have ever dreamed of having. I don’t want to look back at what could have been. Now that we’re here, I know the best days of my life are ahead of me.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled.
She was right.
And gracious.
I didn’t think I deserved that, either. Not when Josie had every justifiable reason to be upset with me for leaving and never coming back for her.
Her hands had fallen to my waist, where she tightened her grip and asked, “Will you try?”
“Try what?”
“To forgive yourself. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in therapy, it’s that we’re all always going to make mistakes. Some are worse than others. But we need to find a way to forgive ourselves for those mistakes, Huck. And I want you to do that. Please, try to do that. For me.”
Even if I didn’t want to do that, even if I didn’t think I deserved it, I refused to deny her anything. So, I nodded slowly. “I’ll try, honey.”
“Good. Now, are we going to do that again?”
“Kiss?”
“Well, I wasn’t referring to that, but I guess now that you mention it, I should get some clarification on that as well,” she joked.
“What are you talking about?” I asked her.
The smile she wore lit up her face, her eyes just as expressive. “I was talking about Pac-Man.”
“You want to play again?”
She shrugged. “I thought it was fun. Plus, maybe if we advance to a higher level than last time, we can have another celebration.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her closer than she already was, and promised, “Whether we do well at the game or not, I’m certain we’ll still be celebrating again multiple times before the day is over.”
“That works for me. But could we try to get to the next level?”
I tipped my head to the side and assessed her. “I thought you said you knew me. Do you think I’m not going to give this all I’ve got?”
“Fair point.”
“Kiss me one more time, Josie,” I urged her. “Then we’ll play another game.”
Josie didn’t hesitate.
She tipped her chin up, lifted slightly on her toes, and touched her lips to mine. It was soft and sweet. It was perfect, just like her.
And although I’d asked her to kiss me, it didn’t take long for me to take over the kiss and go deeper. I couldn’t help myself.
I was kissing Josie Day for the second time in my life. I wanted to make it count.
Once we managed to tear ourselves away from one another, we turned our attention back to the game and started another round.
The only downside was that we wound up losing all our lives two levels before we had the first time we played.
But I couldn’t say I was upset.
The truth was, we’d gotten easily distracted.
Because every time we completed a level, we didn’t celebrate with high-fives, smiles, or a hug. We celebrated with kisses. And if I was honest, it took me some time each round to get my head back in the game. I just wasn’t as focused as I’d been before, but on the bright side, Josie didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I was willing to bet that she was struggling for the very same reason as me.
Afterward, we decided to head home.
No sooner had we gotten into the truck and started making our way there, Josie broke the silence.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Always. What’s up?”
I had expected her to respond immediately with whatever was on her mind. Since I was driving and not thinking much about it, I hadn’t anticipated a deep conversation. I assumed she was going to ask me about our plans for the rest of the night or what we were going to have for dinner.
She didn’t.
Instead, she remained silent for quite some time. I grew concerned and glanced over to see her looking at me with an intense look in her eyes.
“Josie, honey, what is it?” I asked, worried that something was wrong.
“Are we… I mean, are you… should I consider myself off the market?” she stammered.
I was glad I’d come to a stop behind another car at a light at that point, because I needed the time to look at her. “Do you want to be on the market?”
She shook her head. “No. Honestly, I don’t know that I could be like this with anyone else again. It’s only because it’s you that I feel safe enough to explore something like this so soon. I just don’t want to make assumptions about where you stand with this. Maybe you’re against labeling this, or perhaps you don’t want to make any statements about exclusivity since we’ve only really shared a handful of kisses in an arcade.”
If I didn’t think it would have the potential to freak her out completely, I might have told her exactly how I felt about her, about how I wanted to build a life with her. “First, I’m not the kind of guy who casually dates. If I’m going to be with someone, I’m only with them. Second, I’ve had feelings for you since high school. I screwed up immensely back then, but I’ve got the opportunity to make it right all these years later. I’m not going to screw it up again. And lastly, we might have only shared a handful of kisses, but they were the best of my life. I’d be devastated if you didn’t want to consider yourself off the market.”
She stared at me in silence for a second or two before she nodded and said, “So, this is us. We’re doing this.”
I reached out for her hand, linked my fingers with hers, and replied, “Yes, Josie, we’re doing this. Are you okay with that?”
A smile formed on her face. “Yes, Huck. I’m more than okay with that.”
I wanted to reach across the center console and kiss her again, but the sound of a horn from the car behind us alerted me to the fact the light had changed.
So, I returned my attention to the road and started driving again.
And I did it while feeling the best I had in ages.
TWENTY-THREE
Josie
This had been the best day of my life.
Nothing, not one single thing I’d ever experienced before, could even come close to comparing to the day Huck had given me today.
Sure, there had been the wonderful lunch out together and the trip to the arcade that had me feeling so much nostalgia that made the day lovely. But it wasn’t either of those things that gave me the hope and happiness I was feeling now.
It was the conversation we’d had throughout the day, starting immediately after our first kiss.
Of course, there’d been a few tense moments as I tried to get Huck to see reason, to make him understand that he couldn’t hold on to guilt about not acting on feelings when we were in high school or even coming to look me up when he was finally back in Steel Ridge permanently.
But once we’d gotten past that, everything simply felt magical.
Because we were making it official. We were going to try this out and see if we could make it work. And after years and years of facing such disappointment, frustration, abuse, and heartache, I was looking forward to fulfillment, peace, protection and, hopefully, love. Fear was no longer going to factor into my romantic life. I wholeheartedly trusted the man I was with, and I hoped I could give him even just a fraction of what he was already giving me.
Whether I’d succeed remained to be seen, but I intended to give it everything I had.
Now that the night was winding down, and the credits were rolling on the movie we’d just watched—watched being a term I was using loosely, considering we spent most of our time making out with one another—I was sad the day was ending. I wanted to take this day and relive it forever and ever for the rest of my life.
“Today was a great day,” Huck said.
He was on his side, his head propped in his hand as he looked down at me. I was on my back beside him, loving the feel of not just the proximity to him but the weight of his arm that was draped over my abdomen, too.
“Yeah, it was,” I agreed.
“It’s getting late. Are you tired?” he asked.
“A little. This was certainly the most physically demanding day I’ve had since leaving the hospital.”
“We should probably head upstairs and get to bed.”
That’s when it hit me.
Maybe this day didn’t have to come to an end. Maybe we could continue what we’d been doing, and we could have an excellent night together.
“That’s probably a good idea,” I said.
Huck and I got ourselves up off the couch. He began turning off all the lights and asked, “Do you want anything from the kitchen before we go up?”
I was eager to get upstairs and start the rest of our night together. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
Huck finished turning out the lights, double checked the doors were locked, and armed the house. The next thing I knew, we were climbing the stairs as my belly trembled with anticipation.
Since I didn’t want to appear presumptuous, I slowed my steps as we walked down the hallway until I came to a stop outside the guest bedroom. Huck stopped, too, turning to face me.
He had to be the one to do it. He had to ask me to spend the night in his bed with him. I couldn’t be the one to do it, no matter how badly I wanted it. And there was no question I desperately wanted it.
After all the times I’d had nightmares and he came in to spend the night with me in the guest room when I couldn’t properly curl into him, there was nothing I wanted more now than to climb into a bed with him, spend some time kissing, and fall asleep while he held me close all night. I wanted more than to only be able to hold his arm or hand for comfort.
Unfortunately, as we stood outside the room, neither one of us managed to say a single word. Both of us continued to stare at one another, and while I couldn’t be sure what Huck saw when he looked at me, it was clear to me that his mind was racing with thoughts as well. I wondered what he was thinking, why he wasn’t saying anything.
Recognizing someone needed to break the ice—and hoping that would be the one thing needed for Huck to make his move—I decided to speak.
“Thank you for giving me such a wonderful day today, Huck,” I said, realizing I was treating this moment like the end of a date. It could have gone either way at this point. “It was the best day I’ve ever had.”
His lips twitched as he stepped forward and closed the distance between us. When he brought both hands to my hips and tugged me toward him, he replied, “That makes two of us.”
I lifted my arms over Huck’s shoulders and pressed my body close to his. For some reason, it seemed that the moment he got his hands on me, I lost all sense of myself. The only thing I could think about now was kissing him again. That and the way he smelled and how much I liked the way it felt to have his arms around me with our bodies pressed tight together.
My eyes dropped to his lips and remained focused on them as I inched my head forward. The next thing I knew, my movements were halted because Huck moved the remaining distance and captured my mouth with his.
Huck’s first kiss in the arcade had been something straight out of a movie. He kissed me in a way I didn’t even know was possible. I didn’t know I could feel all that I felt for him at the same time I was lost in the flawlessness of his kiss. Everything from the softness of his lips and the velvety feel of his tongue to the way he explored my mouth and communicated things without needing to speak was perfect.
Ever since that first kiss in the arcade, I had anticipated the feeling I experienced would change.
It didn’t.
Or, at least, it didn’t change in the way that I had expected.
I had assumed that the second, third, and fourth kisses I shared with Huck wouldn’t be as consuming. I didn’t think I’d experience the same flutters in my belly that I did with the first.
I was wrong.
Because those feelings intensified.
And right now, despite having spent substantial time on the couch kissing him, I was doing my best to hold on to him for fear my legs would buckle with the weakness his kiss made me feel.
As his tongue drove into my mouth, Huck let out a groan. That sound was another thing I hadn’t expected. The first time I heard it, a wave of desire rolled over me. Maybe that was the result of it being Huck who was groaning while kissing me, but it could have also been the fact I hadn’t ever imagined this man would ever be so lost in kissing me that he would groan. I found it impossible to believe I could have the same effect on him that he had on me, and yet, here I was, kissing the man of my dreams while he groaned his satisfaction.
Eventually, always far too soon, we separated our mouths from each other, and there was a moment of labored breathing.
“That gets better every time,” he said.
“Mmmm.”
That was the only response I could muster up. It wasn’t as though Huck had said anything that wasn’t true.
He laughed, gave my hips a squeeze, and took half a step back. “Goodnight, Josie.”
The wind was out of my sails. He wasn’t inviting me to spend the night in his bed with him. It was all I could do not to allow the disappointment to show. “Goodnight, Huck.”
After Huck gave me a peck on the lips, I turned and moved into the guest room. Once I made it to the bed and looked back at him, I felt so much longing and desire move through me. He was wearing the sweetest expression as he stared at me, like he thought I was some treasured, rare jewel.
