Faking It, page 1
part #14 of A Wayfair Witches' Cozy Mystery Series Series
Faking It
Wayfair Witches Book Fourteen
by A.A. Albright
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organisations, places, events and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously.
Copyright © A.A. Albright 2021
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.
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Website: https://aaalbright.com
Table of Contents:
1. On a Bright and Stormy Night
2. An Ill Wind
3. Murder Most Murderous
4. The Not-So-Super Mop
5. The Stone of Many Monikers
6. Wiped Clean
7. Square Peg
8. Tizzy’s Tale
9. Sir Clip Clop the Robot Horse
10. Max’s Story
11. That Horrible Car
12. Evil Doppelgangers From Another Dimension
13. A Whole Other Soap Opera
14. The Laughter of an Evil Villain
15. Barking Mad
16. The Man in the Shadows
17. Open Up a Doorway …
18. The Wayfarer’s Undoing
19. A Shadow of my Former Self
20. Kiss of Death
21. Smash it into Oblivion
22. Return of the Max?
23. The Last Laugh
24. Getting to Know Myself
25. The Sun, the Moon and the Stars
26. Our Happy Ever After
Books by A.A. Albright
1. On a Bright and Stormy Night
Dark and stormy nights have developed a bit of a bad reputation, haven’t they? But I was coming around to the idea that, actually, bright and stormy nights could be far, far worse.
At least this one was, anyway.
There was always a little extra magic in the air when the moon was big, full and bright. But this month, it felt like there was too much extra magic. The werewolves were howling more loudly than usual, the witches were chanting with extra fervour, and the weredogs, well … they seemed far less interested in eating out of the bins than they normally would.
And then, of course, there was a dream that woke me up; a dream I couldn’t quite remember. All I knew was that it had been heartbreaking, and frightening. And so, too much of a chicken to go back to sleep, I’d high-tailed it to the Wayfarer Station for an impromptu night shift.
Wolfie and Dizzy had come along with me, not wanting to be in the house alone. And I was glad they were joining me at work – who doesn’t want a shaky-legged wolfhound and a sarcastic bat for company when they’re feeling frightened?
But work wasn’t quite the refuge I’d hoped it would be. There were many more calls than normal, coming to us through crackling radios and crossed phone lines. Some calls were coming to us that should have been going to the human police. Even the calls we were supposed to receive were strange. Dozens of people phoned simply to tell us that they felt ‘Halloweeny.’
And honestly? I shared their sentiment. Because Halloweeny was exactly how this night felt.
Despite the fact that we were right at the end of February, I felt as though we were in one of those infamous between times, like Halloween or Midsummer – one of those times when anything could happen. And when it did happen, I just knew it would be something unpleasant.
But a report of vandalism at the new school couldn’t be that scary anything, could it? It was probably the least strange phone call of that full-moon night – vandals at the new school were a regular occurrence, after all.
As much as I wished otherwise, the world would probably always contain idiots who hated what the old Berry mansion had become. In the recent past, it had been where one of the most powerful covens in the supernatural world schemed, plotted, and upheld the silly notion that witches were superior. Now, thanks to Will Berry, the old mansion was a school for all supernatural kids.
With the help of Rover, the latest Minister for Magical Education, Will was doing good work at the school. And yet here I was, in the wee hours of a very strange night, because destroying someone else’s good work was exactly the way some people got their kicks.
When I arrived at the school, with Wolfie and Dizzy in tow (because, y’know, I’m ever so professional), the wind was rushing and raging, and the night felt scarier than ever.
It seemed like the vandals were still there, so Will went to explore a crashing sound at the side of the building, while I rushed to investigate a banging sound at the back. As he ran off, Will joked that, next thing, there might be a wallop.
I was still laughing at his joke (I’m easy to please), when a strange night became a terrifying one. Because there it was: something small and blackish-brown (or possibly brownish-black) banging against the back door of the school.
In a squeaky voice, it said, ‘Where’s the cat flap?’
It wasn’t as bright back here, with the trees shielding the moon, so I pointed a finger and said, ‘Solas.’
A large ball of light emanated from my finger, illuminating the creature.
I stared at Dizzy, then at the newcomer, then back at Dizzy again.
‘I don’t …’ I said.
‘That’s not …’ said Dizzy.
‘This is just too …’ I added, helpfully.
Wolfie, it seemed, was the only one who could finish a sentence, as he said, ‘Dizzy, why does that bat look exactly like you? And why is it banging itself against the back door of the school?’
The bat banged against the door again, and we moved closer.
‘Wanda!’ it cried out in squeaky relief. ‘Where’s my cat flap gone? I’ve been banging around here for so long that I think I’m going to need a lie upside down.’
‘You know me?’ I bent down, and looked at the bat. For a moment, it shimmered in the strangest way, and then, suddenly, it looked perfectly normal. ‘This is so weird. You look exactly like Dizzy.’
The bat frowned. ‘Wanda, I really don’t know why you’re calling me Dizzy, when my name is Tizzy. You’re my witch, you know. The least you could do is not be weird when I’ve already got a headache. I …’ He brushed a wing against his head, looking woozy. ‘Wanda … why does … why does the world feel like it’s been turned inside out?’
‘Tizzy.’ My voice was frightened, and confused. This was it, the wallop that came after the crash and the bang. This was the weirdness I’d been waiting for, warned about. This was the change, blowing in with the wind.
I stood up, backing away from the bat, while I clutched onto my own precious Dizzy.
Maybe I was just being silly. Maybe I’d misheard him. Maybe he hadn’t called me his witch.
It was the moon, and the howling, and the Halloweeny feeling in the air. All of it, together, was sending me doolally.
Because as long as Dizzy was still here, then everything else was perfectly normal, right? This other bat, a bat that looked exactly like my bat, a bat that called me his witch … he was the only anomaly.
So why, then, as I looked at him, and felt the wind whipping around me, and heard the werewolves and the weredogs howl louder than ever … why, then, did I feel like my heart was breaking?
‘I …’ I shook my head, gaping at the doppelganger bat, gaping at Dizzy. Before I could ask any questions of the doppel-bat, Will rounded the corner.
‘Wanda, I caught the vandals!’ he cried. ‘They were using throwing spells to chuck bricks through a window on the north side of the building. I’ve frozen them, but–’ He broke off. ‘Wanda, why does that bat look exactly like Dizzy?’
The bat stared back at Will for a moment. ‘You …’ he said eventually. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Will shouldn’t be here? Why not?’
The bat didn’t respond.
‘Tizzy,’ I continued. ‘You said your name is Tizzy, didn’t you? Well, Tizzy, you look ill. You look sick, and scared. Let me help you, okay? Let me get you somewhere warm, and we can get a healer to look at you and sort this all out, okay?’
The bat looked like he might be about to reply, but then his eyes finally settled on his double: my Dizzy, perched on my shoulder. I couldn’t say why it took until now for Dizzy’s double to acknowledge him. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was shock, maybe it was something else. But now that he was looking at Dizzy, he began to shiver. His eyes darted all around him, then, looking at me, looking at the back door, looking at Wolfie, looking at Will.
Finally, the bat shook his little head, his eyes filled with fear. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’ve made a mistake. I just … I made a mistake. I came to the wrong house, that’s all.’
‘But you look just like Dizzy,’ I said softly. ‘And you called me Wanda. You said I was your witch. Tizzy, please – whatever it is you have to tell me, no matter how weird it is, I’ll help you. Let me help you.’
He shook his little head again, and flew up into the air, his wings beating quickly. ‘I told you,’ he cried as he sped off into the night. ‘I made a mistake!’
2. An Ill Wind
I called after the bat, begging him to come back, but he kept on flying.
‘That was so weird,’ said Will.
‘Mm hm.’ I couldn’t say much more about it. Weird had covered it well.
‘I … I suppose maybe I should try a nd fly after him,’ Dizzy offered, sounding scared and unenthusiastic. ‘See if he’ll be more comfortable to chat with me. Bat to bat, you know.’
‘That’s really brave, Dizzy,’ I said. ‘But he’s already out of sight, and we’re all exhausted. We can try to find him in the morning, okay?’
Wolfie nodded readily. ‘It was just a mistake, Dizzy. He said it was a mistake. He got the wrong house and the wrong Wanda, that’s all.’
‘Yeah, he actually called you Wanda, though, didn’t he?’ Will scratched his head, staring after the bat. ‘I mean, I heard you talking about it with him. Look, I know I already said it was weird, but I think I need to raise my assessment to super weird.’
‘Yeah, he did em … he did seem to think I was his witch,’ I replied. ‘But maybe it’s like Wolfie says. Maybe the bat made a mistake.’
‘Wolfie said that because he’s scared.’ Will spoke softly, calmly, but I could hear the terror at the back of his voice. ‘And he’s right to be scared, don’t you think?’
I put a hand on Wolfie’s fawn-coloured fur, stroking him.
‘Well, even if I am scared,’ the dog said, ‘it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. That bat could have made a mistake. And there’s more than one witch called Wanda. Maybe one of them has a bat, too.’
‘Another Lesser-Known Mango Bat?’ Will’s voice was sceptical. ‘I have never heard of there being another Lesser-Known Mango Bat in the entire world.’
‘There is more than one of my kind in the world,’ Dizzy said, defensively. ‘I mean, I didn’t just spring from thin air, did I? And we’re all equally handsome.’
‘Mm hm.’ Will sighed. ‘Well, this one just happened to be handsome enough to be your double, Dizzy. A double with a name which is eerily similar to yours.’ Will moved his eyes to mine. ‘You’re not even convincing yourself, are you? This is big, and you know it. We need to track him.’
‘We will,’ I said. ‘We will, and I’m not trying to convince myself it’s anything other than big. But … right now I have some vandals to arrest, and I have to get some sleep, because I’ve got Defensive Magic in the morning.’
He gave me a searching look. ‘You really think you’re going to be able to sleep after this? Because I know I won’t. This whole night … it’s off the scale. Something’s happening. Some big magic, somewhere. Some dark magic, I think. We have to get on to Finn, and your coven, and … and everyone.’
I balled my fists. ‘I will, Will. I’m not running away from this. How many times do I have to tell you that I know exactly how bad this is?’ I did, too. The wind tonight had been all wrong. It was one of those ill winds you sometimes heard about – those infamous bad guys of the wind-world, those winds which never brought anything good.
I suspected there was more, too, that this strange weather, this strange night, had brought along with it. I suspected that this was the unknown danger that the Queen of the Sióga had warned me about. It was the change that Rover, with his amazing nose, had smelled upon the air.
And all I wanted was to get to the bottom of it; I wanted to take off into the night and search for that strange little doppel-Dizzy, make sure he was okay, and find out exactly where he’d come from.
But the rain was beginning to pelt down, and lightning began to fork in the sky. And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the inconvenient fact that criminals couldn’t arrest themselves.
‘Just … go home to bed, okay?’ I told Will. ‘I’ll arrest those goons you’ve frozen, I’ll book them in, and I’ll see you tomorrow at the college library, like we’ve arranged. Between now and then, in among all of the other gazillion things I have to do, I will be trying to find Tizzy, and I’ll be telling my coven and everyone who needs to know, too. But I’ll also be getting some sleep, and you should too. Because Will, we’re going to need it.’
He seemed like he might be about to say something more, before he thought better of it, shrugged and said, ‘You’re right. We need sleep. If we’re going to figure any of this out, then we need sleep. See you tomorrow, so.’
I nodded, mumbled a goodbye, and then I walked away, to the north side of the school, and carried on doing my job.
Dizzy didn’t say anything, and neither did Wolfie. They just followed behind me, silent and scared.
≈
After dealing with the vandals, and writing out messages to Finn, and to my coven, to be sent in the morning, I was exhausted. And I was still too much of a chicken to go home, to my own bed. Maybe if I stayed here, instead, whatever dream I’d been having wouldn’t find me? Because that was how bad dreams worked, right? Right?
I curled up on the couch in Finn’s office at the station, with Wolfie stretched out on his bed beside me, and Dizzy hanging from the coat rack. For a while, despite how tired I was, I did nothing but stare at the ceiling. But eventually, the sound of Wolfie’s and Dizzy’s snoring filled up the room, and it was such a lovely sound that I drifted off too, and found myself in my second fitful sleep of the night.
≈
I’d set an alarm on my phone, and the second it began to buzz I shot up from the couch, the events of last night still fresh and frightening in my mind. It was a relief when replies to my messages soon came in from my mother, and from Melissa and Christine, all telling me that they’d do what they could to find Tizzy.
As for the other oddities of the night, well, maybe Max would know more. He’d been out there, after all, in the Phoenix Park, with his weredog pack. Weredogs and werewolves didn’t always remember the details of full moon nights, but last night was different. Surely he’d be able to tell me something useful.
With those hopes in mind, I rushed home. He wasn’t in yet, though, so I took a quick bath and changed my clothes while I waited. I’d just begun to brush my teeth, when I heard the back door open.
At the sound of his arrival, my heart grew light and calm. Of all the fears that had occupied my mind last night, there was one I hadn’t allowed myself to entertain, and that was the fear that something had happened to Max.
It had been there, of course, lurking in the corners of my mind. Wolfie and Dizzy had told me I’d spoken Max’s name in my dreams. And that feeling – the heartbreak I’d felt during the dream, and when I saw Tizzy, at the back door of the school – was impossible to ignore.
But now he was back, and my chest felt all a-flutter with relief. I listened out for his usual sounds – he came in through the unlocked kitchen door, always, and once inside he changed from cute, shaggy weredog, into the gorgeous boyfriend I loved so much.
I heard him pull on the clothes he’d left in the kitchen, and move into the hall. Instead of rushing upstairs, though, there was a pause, and I heard him go into the living room instead. He seemed to be in no rush, wandering from room to room before coming up the stairs, walking along the landing, pushing open the bathroom door …
I turned to grin at him, then remembered I had a mouthful of toothpaste. I rinsed my mouth, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He was staring at me, wide-eyed and frowning. Why was he staring? Was my toothpaste-mouth really that off-putting? Maybe I’d looked rabid.
‘Wanda?’ That frown just didn’t seem to go away. ‘You’re … why …’ He was struggling to get a sentence out, finally running a hand through his messy hair, clearing his throat and saying, ‘You’re in my bathroom?’
‘Huh?’ I wiped my mouth with a towel and turned to face him. Had I imagined that he’d phrased that as a question? But why would he? Even when Max and I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship, I’d used this bathroom quite a lot, because it had a bath in it, whereas the one attached to my bedroom only had a shower. He’d never minded before. Although he did sometimes like to rush in here after full moon and wash the night away, so maybe he’d been hoping to have it to himself?
‘I’m finished, now,’ I said. ‘And there’s plenty of hot water left. Hey, Max … are you okay? You seem a bit … I dunno. Off? I know things got pretty weird last night – for me, too. I met a bat who looked exactly like Dizzy, for one. And I know something was going on with the weredogs, too. We got so many calls about it at the Wayfarer Station. Some of them were about your pack. That homeless witch who hangs about in the Phoenix Park, he called in to say you guys were acting like you were on a scavenger hunt or something.’
